ENCHANTÉ – KILLING LIBIDO


Ted and Frank discuss the latest events in the media world while having a beer in their favorite Hullahoo bar.

“I’m going to write a different Killing book, Frank. It’s called Killing Libido.”

“Oh my, why so drastic? Didn’t we all welcome the sexual freedom in the sixties after a century of Victorian torture?”

“Libido has become a monster and been causing havoc in our civilized world to such an extent that he destroys families, lives, whole organizations. No laughing matter.”

“Do you ever feel lust in the workplace?”

“Oh man! I lust the hell out of me, but I’m scared shit they’d say fuck off, or I’ll tell your wife!”

“How does Libido get killed? He’s been alive and well since Paradise.”

“Don’t be funny, Frank. I have an ironclad plan.”

“I hope it’s more innovative than what the priest said when I went to confession, ‘cut it off.’”

“Frank, trust me. It’s going to revolutionize the world.”

“Like Viagra?”

“Much worse. My lab friends have developed the Killing Libido Pill, the KLP for short, and it’ll be mandatory like Obamacare.”

“But people could still avoid signing up for Obamacare by paying a tax.”

“Men won’t be able to get to work or enter their office building unless they swallow the KLP first. Like punching the timeclock entering the workplace. If they don’t, they’ll get no salary or are suspended.”

“So what does this pill really do?”

“It kills Libido big time. A man’s interest in women declines to zero. Their private parts remain inoperative even under the greatest temptation. Shrinks the whole thing to a used rubber. Porn stuff goes bankrupt.”

“What about those guys working from home?”

“Depends on their wives.”

“But what happens when the guys come home from work?”

“Then they can take Viagra again, but only if the wife consents.”

“Gee, Ted, that does sound revolutionary. Women in the office will be so happy to be left alone again. Does that pill have no side effects, you know, like those medicines on TV ads that scare you stiff?”

“Nice figure of speech, Frank. If the guy has a flat longer than a day, even after taking Viagra, he must consult his doctor.”

“And what if the guy has a Viagra-induced erection that stays on until he gets to the workplace again?”

“The KLP will take care of that.”

“And what if guys travel and are away from their wives or partners? You know from experience that loneliness and empty beds drive guys wild.”

“The one thing they don’t know is that we have made the KLP addictive, like nicotine or marihuana. Once you take it your urge to take it again is like your former sex drive. You can’t stop swallowing it. The more KLPs you take, the more addicted you get. You don’t even know what’s happening to you. So, women on foreign soils or women colleagues on field missions will remain safe because the guys’ operative system stays flat. They won’t even ask the girls out for dinner.”

“What about the impact on social life, if women don’t feel wanted anymore?”

“Let’s solve the sex issue first, Frank. If women feel lonely, at least they’ll feel safe. There’s a price to pay.”

“Will insurance reimburse the KLP?”

“Of course.”

“Have you been taking the KLP?”

“Haven’t you seen me ignoring all the gals at the bar today?”

“Yeah, now you say, you’ve been acting rather strange for your doing.”

“I urge you to do the same. The first bottle is free. Here you go.”

“Does it matter if you take them with alcohol?”

“It’ll work twice as fast.”

“I’ll give it a try right now.” Frank swallows a KLP with his beer.

“Hey you guys over there,” Ilene, a lovely blonde, yells. “You’re not offering me a beer anymore?”

“If you want to know,” Ted says, “My Libido is dead. It’s official healthcare policy now. I have no incentive anymore to buy you a beer.”

“And what about you, Frank?”

“Sorry Ilene, I wanted to but just swallowed a KLP, and now I’m out.”

“Gee, you guys are boring.”

“Sure,” Ted says. “But at least you can’t sue me when I’m 80 for having tried to intoxicate you forty years ago.”


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