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ENCHANTÉ – CHINA’S DEMOCRACY

Mars Man on Planet Earth and on Mars with Kathryn of Omaha TV

Mars Man is visiting Lu again for an interview on behalf of Mars TV at the Chinese America Office, formerly the Empire State Building, now called The Mao Xi Jinping Tower.

“Morning, Lu, how’s everything?”

“Province America is doing great, thanks to Bernie Sanders, now Chief Comrade of Province America, and Miss Cortez, Vice Chief Comrade. All schools are public now with free education, learning Mandarin as the first language. Healthcare is free. University is free and student loans are forgiven. Everyone has a fixed salary and nobody pays taxes as these are automatically withheld. All commerce and manufacturing is ‘Made in China’ and all revenues are paid into the Chinese Treasury.”

“My wife Kathryn says that her government salary is totally insufficient. I have to support her with Mars gold. The Yen does not have enough purchasing power she says.”

“Everyone’s salary is the same because everybody is equal. It’s about the same level as the old Social Security was. People have to learn how to live in a socialistic society. No jealousy, no keeping up with the Joneses. Bernie wanted that households with a maximum of two children up to eighteen years old get an extra allowance. We agreed to that, but that meant that the average salary had to be lower. All money is government money. Kathryn should be happy to receive money from China.”

“What happened to the money of the rich?”

“Chief Comrade Sanders said to confiscate their money because it was all stolen. So we did. Everybody has the same amount of money. Only the Leader determines who may have more.”

“Do citizens here still have freedom as embedded in the US Constitution?”

“You’re misinformed, Mars. The US Constitution is no more. The Founding Fathers are gone. Province America is ruled by the new Founding Fathers, Mao and Xi Jinping, with Bernie Sanders and Miss Cortez as their valets. Everyone is free within the confines of socialism.”

“What happened to President Trump and his military establishment?”

“President Trump made the mistake of visiting China with his top generals and political entourage to meet President Xi Jinping. They were incarcerated for unfriendly behavior about our legit American market share and shipped to Guantanamo Bay. China took over America with our superior Cyberwarfare equipment without firing one shot.”

“So you helped the American political left to achieve their goal of removing their rightfully elected President. Was there any collusion between you, Biden and Sanders?”

“Don’t ask impertinent questions, Mars. You know the rule. One more and you are out the door.”

“Sorry, Lu, but the former President was accused of collusion. Since you removed him from office in the interest of the left, the question arises. Back on the salary matter, if everyone has the same state salary, do people still have jobs?”

“In a planned economy, everyone has a job. The new State Districts of Province America assign jobs to them. The former states have been abolished. People living in each State District must register at the Xi Jinping Party Office. Those who do not will be imprisoned and they and their relatives forfeit their state salary.”

“But my wife says that her state salary cannot pay for needed groceries in the state commissaries.”

“In China, people have no problem buying in and living on state commissaries, so if we Chinese can, Chinese Americans can too. Most Americans are overweight anyway. Slimming down by living on a state salary is cheaper than paying exorbitant fees for Nutrisystem.”

“That’s tough on what used to be a freedom-loving society. Have there not been any protests?”

“No protests. Do you remember Tiananmen square?  President Xi dictated that everyone must closely adhere to the Communist Party line, or else. There are serious consequences if they don’t, such as life-long labor camps. So far, the inhabitants of Province America got the message.”

“Are people allowed to stay in their multimillion-dollar homes?” 

“Only true Chinese and true Chinese American collaborators can if they contribute to the Leader. Others must move out to make room for them. Chief Comrade Sanders and his pupil Miss Cortez are assigned McMansions of their liking. Miss Pelosi is holed up for free in an assistant-living residence managed by a state commissary.”

“Do South Americans still cross the border?”

“No, for two reasons. The Trump Wall now serves to prevent people from moving out. Second, Central American states are dominated by socialist regimes that closely collaborate with China. China does not tolerate migration.”

“Am I correct that China has destroyed Western democracy?”

“Your premise is wrong. Chinese democracy existed many centuries before Western nations were born. Who is to say that Western Democracy is better than Chinese Democracy? It’s all in the eyes of the beholder. China’s democracy has ruled a population grown to close 1.5 billion. How could you govern a population that large with Western Democracy? American democracy grew decadent with its sexual aberrations and political and religious infighting. Their politicians turned into a class of clowns. They dug their own grave. In a way, China has saved the Americans from themselves. Soon, we will save Mars from the Marsians.”

“I don’t think so, Lu. Our Cyber Power is still a multiple of China’s. I have no problem flying to and from Planet Earth in a jiffy. Mars Democracy is much older than China’s. Be careful, do not touch Mars or we focus our beams on Bejing and obliterate your system. Goodbye, Lu, it was a pleasure meeting you again.”

After kissing off Kathryn in Omaha, Mars Man scooted back to Mars. On the way, cybermalfare rattled the shield of Space Scooter One. Mars Man took his cell phone and dialed Lu. “Lu, stop that rattling right now or I pulverize your Xi Tower with my afterburner.” The rattling died right away.

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ENCHANTÉ – CHINA’S DEMOCRACY

Mars Man on Planet Earth and on Mars with Kathryn of Omaha TV

Mars Man is visiting Lu again for an interview on behalf of Mars TV at the Chinese America Office, formerly the Empire State Building, now called The Mao Xi Jinping Tower.

“Morning, Lu, how’s everything?”

“Province America is doing great, thanks to Bernie Sanders, now Chief Comrade of Province America, and Miss Cortez, Vice Chief Comrade. All schools are public now with free education, learning Mandarin as the first language. Healthcare is free. University is free and student loans are forgiven. Everyone has a fixed salary and nobody pays taxes as these are automatically withheld. All commerce and manufacturing is ‘Made in China’ and all revenues are paid into the Chinese Treasury.”

“My wife Kathryn says that her government salary is totally insufficient. I have to support her with Mars gold. The Yen does not have enough purchasing power she says.”

“Everyone’s salary is the same because everybody is equal. It’s about the same level as the old Social Security was. People have to learn how to live in a socialistic society. No jealousy, no keeping up with the Joneses. Bernie wanted that households with a maximum of two children up to eighteen years old get an extra allowance. We agreed to that, but that meant that the average salary had to be lower. All money is government money. Kathryn should be happy to receive money from China.”

“What happened to the money of the rich?”

“Chief Comrade Sanders said to confiscate their money because it was all stolen. So we did. Everybody has the same amount of money. Only the Leader determines who may have more.”

“Do citizens here still have freedom as embedded in the US Constitution?”

“You’re misinformed, Mars. The US Constitution is no more. The Founding Fathers are gone. Province America is ruled by the new Founding Fathers, Mao and Xi Jinping, with Bernie Sanders and Miss Cortez as their valets. Everyone is free within the confines of socialism.”

“What happened to President Trump and his military establishment?”

“President Trump made the mistake of visiting China with his top generals and political entourage to meet President Xi Jinping. They were incarcerated for unfriendly behavior about our legit American market share and shipped to Guantanamo Bay. China took over America with our superior Cyberwarfare equipment without firing one shot.”

“So you helped the American political left to achieve their goal of removing their rightfully elected President. Was there any collusion between you, Biden and Sanders?”

“Don’t ask impertinent questions, Mars. You know the rule. One more and you are out the door.”

“Sorry, Lu, but the former President was accused of collusion. Since you removed him from office in the interest of the left, the question arises. Back on the salary matter, if everyone has the same state salary, do people still have jobs?”

“In a planned economy, everyone has a job. The new State Districts of Province America assign jobs to them. The former states have been abolished. People living in each State District must register at the Xi Jinping Party Office. Those who do not will be imprisoned and they and their relatives forfeit their state salary.”

“But my wife says that her state salary cannot pay for needed groceries in the state commissaries.”

“In China, people have no problem buying in and living on state commissaries, so if we Chinese can, Chinese Americans can too. Most Americans are overweight anyway. Slimming down by living on a state salary is cheaper than paying exorbitant fees for Nutrisystem.”

“That’s tough on what used to be a freedom-loving society. Have there not been any protests?”

“No protests. Do you remember Tiananmen square?  President Xi dictated that everyone must closely adhere to the Communist Party line, or else. There are serious consequences if they don’t, such as life-long labor camps. So far, the inhabitants of Province America got the message.”

“Are people allowed to stay in their multimillion-dollar homes?” 

“Only true Chinese and true Chinese American collaborators can if they contribute to the Leader. Others must move out to make room for them. Chief Comrade Sanders and his pupil Miss Cortez are assigned McMansions of their liking. Miss Pelosi is holed up for free in an assistant-living residence managed by a state commissary.”

“Do South Americans still cross the border?”

“No, for two reasons. The Trump Wall now serves to prevent people from moving out. Second, Central American states are dominated by socialist regimes that closely collaborate with China. China does not tolerate migration.”

“Am I correct that China has destroyed Western democracy?”

“Your premise is wrong. Chinese democracy existed many centuries before Western nations were born. Who is to say that Western Democracy is better than Chinese Democracy? It’s all in the eyes of the beholder. China’s democracy has ruled a population grown to close 1.5 billion. How could you govern a population that large with Western Democracy? American democracy grew decadent with its sexual aberrations and political and religious infighting. Their politicians turned into a class of clowns. They dug their own grave. In a way, China has saved the Americans from themselves. Soon, we will save Mars from the Marsians.”

“I don’t think so, Lu. Our Cyber Power is still a multiple of China’s. I have no problem flying to and from Planet Earth in a jiffy. Mars Democracy is much older than China’s. Be careful, do not touch Mars or we focus our beams on Bejing and obliterate your system. Goodbye, Lu, it was a pleasure meeting you again.”

After kissing off Kathryn in Omaha, Mars Man scooted back to Mars. On the way, cybermalfare rattled the shield of Space Scooter One. Mars Man took his cell phone and dialed Lu. “Lu, stop that rattling right now or I pulverize your Xi Tower with my afterburner.” The rattling died right away.

 

 

 

 

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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON MUELLER

The Friends, having drinks at the Hullahoo Bar, talk about what all Americans are talking about: the fall out of the Mueller Report. A lot of yelling and screaming.

“You know,” Frank says, “it’s weird but the major players going after Trump are all Jewish. In the House, you’ve got Adam Schiff and Jerrold Nadler. In the Senate, it’s Chuck Schumer, Richard Blumenthal, and Diane Feinstein.”

“And on the campaign trail, we have Bernie Sanders,” Cindy says. “What’s the connection?”

“Most Jewish representatives are Democrats,” Melissa says. “Same for the Senate. That’s the connection.”

“Why aren’t there more Republican Jews?” pondered Ted. “Many of them have money, are well educated and are high up on the social scale.”

“So are Democrats,” Fred says, flicking his hand. “That’s no rationale for being a Republican.”

“It’s cultural,” Mary says. “Republicans say the US is basically Christian, and they have a large Evangelical base. Democrats hammer on the separation of Church and State. Jews say they aren’t Christians so they feel more comfortable with the liberal position.”

“If that’s so, you make my point,” Frank retorts. “Those Jewish Dems go after Trump because he’s Christian and woos the Evangelical vote.”

“Not all Jews are Democrats,” Celine argues. “Democrats have shown their antisemitic streak by circling the wagons around Omar. That may turn Jews away from the Democrat party. Republicans are committed to Israel. Obama was not. Omar is not.”

“How can Jews support the Dems’ leftist agenda?” asks Ted. “High taxes, abortion, anti-religion, climate war, free speech for socialists only, is that in their DNA?”

“Some Jewish voters may be independent like me and more may become like me,” Celine says. “They don’t like the Democrat position on marriage, sexuality, abortion, let alone the new left socialist slogans.”

“What do you think will happen to that Mueller Report?” asks Fred.

“The Democrats in the House will milk it ad nauseum,” Melissa responds. “The White House does well to fight their subpoenas. I bet it goes away by the next election when the Republicans win the house back.”

“How sure are you about that?” Tom asks.

“Because all independents like Celine, you and I are sick of that Mueller fishing expedition, and the Democrat party won’t have anything to show for,” Melissa says.

“I wonder how much these guys earned on this mud job out of the thirty-five million they spent,” Frank says.

“A lot more than you and me,” Cindy says. “When Mueller didn’t get Comey’s job, he whispered to his buddy Comey and then Rosenstein gave him his money worth writing that insufferable Report. An inside conjob.”

“And he took two and a half years doing it in revenge, leaving everybody twisting in the wind,” Ted says. “Trying to accuse Trump of something he didn’t do, which he knew all the way along.”

“So-called about Russian meddling, but using it for political purposes only to down the President,” scoffs Frank.

“Bankrupting many people with attorney fees, while striking up tons of public money for themselves,” added Melissa. “It looks like we are in a socialist country already.”

“Bankrupted for what they call process crimes, in quotes,” Fred says, making signs with his fingers. “Dragging them out of their homes at dawn with guns drawn. Ridiculous.”

“The Special Counsel system is out of control,” Tom says. “The FBI acts like the Russian KGB, tipping off the left media for show. Melissa nails it, we are socialist already.”

“Right,” Cindy says. “These prosecutors get rich on someone else’s money while sending their innocent victims to the poor house.”

“And we pay,” Frank complains. “My taxes went up this year, not down.”

“My taxes went up too,” Mary affirms. “The cuts went somewhere else. Somebody in the IRS is botching mine.”

“Anybody wants to hear more of that Mueller stuff, raise your hand,” Fred shouts.

No hands.

“I only hope they find out who started this hoax and how high that went up in the Obama White House,” Mary says. “More heads must roll and the rude FBI must be reigned in.”

“I think we can all drink to that,” Frank says and raises his glass.

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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON HUGGING

The Hullahoo Bar is noisy with THE FRIENDS arguing loudly about America’s hugging frenzy.

“I hear one woman got pregnant from a Biden hug,” alleges Frank.

“Impossible,” counters Melissa. “She hadn’t washed her hair.”

“Why can’t we hug anymore?” Ted wonders. “All that’s left in today’s sex craze is hugging your pillow.”

“Ridiculous,” cries Fred. “When I went to my first prom, we hugged. At my second prom, we kissed. At my third, we did it in my car. At my fourth, we had a baby and still love each other.”

“Romance is out the door,” Cindy complains. “I feel it in the office. The guys look at me as if I’m enemy number one.”

“Can you imagine,” says Tom. “I like a girl in the office and what do I do not to get fired? How about saying, ‘Hey, I’m sentimental about you. May I please give you a hug?'”

“You might try having a coffee with her in the cafeteria and, while she is sipping her latte, text her the question first,” Céline suggests.

“What if she leaks my text to my boss, saying I sexually harassed her?” Tom asks.

“Tell him the Biden doctrine,” Céline advises. “It was never your intention to hug her sexually, only to empower her.”

“Empowering her for what?” Cindy scoffs. “A pretext for impregnating her?”

“See, that’s exactly what this Me Too movement is all about,” Frank says. “They weaponize the natural drive of human love to stop procreation.”

“How would the world survive with only Me Too women left on earth?” Ted asks, raising his arms in desperation.

“Easy,” Melissa says. “There are enough plentiful sperm banks to make babies. Me Too’s favored vibrator and babylube make up for the fun.”

“And what would the male babies do?” enquires Fred.

“Do like the priests,” Melissa says. “Celibacy and feed the sperm banks. Use sex dolls. What do you think they’re doing now?”

“That’s preposterous,” yells Frank. “Worse than Orwellian!”

“It would solve today’s sex craze,” Cindy agrees. “No more Biden or Trump jokes. No more Weinstein predators. And Kamala Harris wants to make prostitution legal.”

“Do you think that’s where the US is going?” Tom asks.

“That’s where the world is going,” Cindy says, prophesizing.

Nobody feels like finishing their drinks anymore.

“What if we go back to ‘Love makes the world go round,’ Cindy?” suggests Frank after the depressing silence.

Mary laughs. “Without love, the birdies would not sing this spring.”

“Damn Me Too!” Ted hollers, hammering on the counter. “Love cannot be killed or swept aside.”

“‘Cause we hear in our heartbeat a beautiful sound,'” follows Mary, her eyes lighting up.

“Cheers to love, Mary!” Frank shouts, raising his glass, and everybody does.

(with due credit to Deon Jackson and Jennifer Lopez).

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ENCHANTÉ – MARS MAN’S BAD INTERVIEW WITH LU

Mars Man is back at Lu Kung Si’s office in the Empire State Building for an interview with the Governor of China’s Province America. Mars visits Lu on behalf of Mars City TV which is interested in hearing Lu’s views about China’s Plans to invade Mars to make it a Chinese Province as well. The interview is relayed through Omaha TV with charming anchor Kathryn. Lu speaks first.

“You know, Mars, that Planet Earth’s Napoleon in his days already said that China was a sleeping giant and that Planet Earth should worry when it awoke. You see what happened to what was previously called the USA. You ask what China’s Plans are for Mars? Tell your audience they would never have it any better: daily access to Peking Duck and Chinese food, the main staple of America’s carry outs, even long before it became a Chinese province.”

“May I remind you Lu that Mars people have different bodies than you have. We live underground, have worm farms, plant farms, eat olms, salamanders, and wild bats, a delicacy as good as Peking Duck.  We do not keep messy flee-infested poultry. Chinese could not live on Mars.”

“China would build structures above ground, Mars, acclimatized to Planet Earth conditions, bringing in our own food and drinks.”

“Unlike Planet Earth, we manage our climate and would make sure that storms, heat and cold would wipe you off our surface. My wife Kathryn cannot come with me. I have to come here but I have the ability to change into a human body, and that’s a secret you cannot steal.”

“I must remind you not to speak in adversarial terms, Mars. China does not steal. We acquire technology through partnerships, ‘Made in China.’ Find me one box in Province America without that label. We make things together and in exchange, we use our label. Walmart likes it, so does QVC and so many others, and so do we. Those that do not go out of business.”

“Lu, on Mars, we do not use cheap malnourished Chinese labor to make a profit on what we sell. You have no future on Mars. So spare yourself the trouble and stay away.”

“You don’t understand China, Mars. China aims to rule the universe and Mars will be one of our provinces in space from where we dominate Planet Earth.”

“Mars will import redundant flatulence from the failed New Green Deal and make your landing impossible.”

“Don’t fool yourself, Mars. We acquired NASA and the Russian Space Station. We put our footprint on the Moon. Mars will be next. Venus and Jupiter will follow.”

“The inhabitants of these planets will eat you alive, Lu. Contrary to Marsians, they like Chinese food. It’s a suicidal move.”

“China has 1.5 billion people and that’s too many. We must ship the overload off to space, starting with the Tibetans and Urghs, and unruly residents of Province America. Those deplorables as defined by comrade Hillary Clinton, including racists, sexists, homophobics, xenophobics, Islamophobics. Like the Brits did with sending their criminal crop to Australia. Only true collaborators of China are allowed to remain on Planet Earth.”

“How will China get to Mars?”

“Before you leave, we will X-ray your body to re-engineer it and replicate it for our own use.”

“X-rays do not work on my body, Lu. Besides, if you try that I will turn you into a Mars bar with devastating power.  When somebody eats that bar, that person will also turn into a Mars bar, and so on. That might be a better policy to deal with your population problem.”

“Don’t try April Fools Pranks on me, Mars. I can arrest you for disrespect of a senior Chinese official. I insist you follow me to our health room.”

Lu rises, but his face and body crumble with a painful scream. All that’s left on his desk is a Mars bar.

When Mars Man leaves Lu’s office, he pushes the icon ‘Utilities’ on his smartphone to restore Lu to his human condition. He needs him for further interviews but knows that Lu will think twice before trying to take his body next time.

 

 

 

 

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