Picture: Audrey dancing ballet in Arnhem – 1946
In honor of Audrey and her Children’s Fund (www.audreyhepburn.com) I published a short story on how we met as children and thereafter at a chance meeting when she was a well-known and beloved actress, with many good movies on her repertoire. My favored Audrey movie is Roman Holiday, her first, when I heard at boarding school the girl I played with when I was 7 (and she 13) during World War II had become a movie star and an overnight sensation. The short story is on holiday sale for only US$5.99 plus shipping or equivalent in other currencies (Pound Sterling, Euro) and the proceeds go to help Audrey’s Children’s Fund. Be a little generous and receive a sweet memory in return, with a few rare pre-fame Audrey pictures included.
USA and Canada:
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!
The above picture is ‘pre-fame’ Audrey Hepburn when she was modeling in London in the early fifties, a copyrighted picture of the Audrey Hepburn family archive given to me by her second son Luca Dotti. Audrey (then 13) and I (then 7) played together in Holland during World War II. I wrote about it in my just-published paperback, entitled ‘Audrey – a Cherished Memory,’ which also includes some ‘pre-fame’ pictures, some given to me by her mother, Ellen Baroness van Heemstra, and others by Luca Dotti, also from the family archive. The paperback is a short story and you can read it in one sitting, with a coffee, a cup of tea, a scotch or a glass of wine. For Audrey lovers, it is a nice souvenir. I am sending the sales proceeds to the Audrey Hepburn Children’s Fund. Originally priced at US$8 or equivalent, I have lowered the price to US$5.99 or equivalent, to encourage more sales during the Christmas and New Year period.
Many charities are claiming your generosity these days but with this contribution, you also get a sweet Audrey story in return! So give it your best, and click on where you are buying from:
The booklet is sold by Amazon.com with the following links, in the various locations of the USA, Canada, UK (Europe), France, Italy and elsewhere. as listed below:
USA and Canada:
MAKE IT YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT! Audrey will be delighted.
For the cookerers among you, Luca Dotti produced a wonderful cookbook with Audrey’s recipes, including Dutch recipes, entitled Audrey at Home: Memories of My Mother’s Kitchen – http://amzn.to/2AqVPF1
Those who already purchased my Audrey booklet and want to donate directly to the Audrey Hepburn Children’s Fund, please do so by clicking on http://www.audreyhepburn.com
Ted and Frank discuss the latest events in the media world while having a beer in their favorite Hullahoo bar.
“I’m going to write a different Killing book, Frank. It’s called Killing Libido.”
“Oh my, why so drastic? Didn’t we all welcome the sexual freedom in the sixties after a century of Victorian torture?”
“Libido has become a monster and been causing havoc in our civilized world to such an extent that he destroys families, lives, whole organizations. No laughing matter.”
“Do you ever feel lust in the workplace?”
“Oh man! I lust the hell out of me, but I’m scared shit they’d say fuck off, or I’ll tell your wife!”
“How does Libido get killed? He’s been alive and well since Paradise.”
“Don’t be funny, Frank. I have an ironclad plan.”
“I hope it’s more innovative than what the priest said when I went to confession, ‘cut it off.’”
“Frank, trust me. It’s going to revolutionize the world.”
“Much worse. My lab friends have developed the Killing Libido Pill, the KLP for short, and it’ll be mandatory like Obamacare.”
“But people could still avoid signing up for Obamacare by paying a tax.”
“Men won’t be able to get to work or enter their office building unless they swallow the KLP first. Like punching the timeclock entering the workplace. If they don’t, they’ll get no salary or are suspended.”
“So what does this pill really do?”
“It kills Libido big time. A man’s interest in women declines to zero. Their private parts remain inoperative even under the greatest temptation. Shrinks the whole thing to a used rubber. Porn stuff goes bankrupt.”
“What about those guys working from home?”
“Depends on their wives.”
“But what happens when the guys come home from work?”
“Then they can take Viagra again, but only if the wife consents.”
“Gee, Ted, that does sound revolutionary. Women in the office will be so happy to be left alone again. Does that pill have no side effects, you know, like those medicines on TV ads that scare you stiff?”
“Nice figure of speech, Frank. If the guy has a flat longer than a day, even after taking Viagra, he must consult his doctor.”
“And what if the guy has a Viagra-induced erection that stays on until he gets to the workplace again?”
“The KLP will take care of that.”
“And what if guys travel and are away from their wives or partners? You know from experience that loneliness and empty beds drive guys wild.”
“The one thing they don’t know is that we have made the KLP addictive, like nicotine or marihuana. Once you take it your urge to take it again is like your former sex drive. You can’t stop swallowing it. The more KLPs you take, the more addicted you get. You don’t even know what’s happening to you. So, women on foreign soils or women colleagues on field missions will remain safe because the guys’ operative system stays flat. They won’t even ask the girls out for dinner.”
“What about the impact on social life, if women don’t feel wanted anymore?”
“Let’s solve the sex issue first, Frank. If women feel lonely, at least they’ll feel safe. There’s a price to pay.”
“Will insurance reimburse the KLP?”
“Have you been taking the KLP?”
“Haven’t you seen me ignoring all the gals at the bar today?”
“Yeah, now you say, you’ve been acting rather strange for your doing.”
“I urge you to do the same. The first bottle is free. Here you go.”
“Does it matter if you take them with alcohol?”
“It’ll work twice as fast.”
“I’ll give it a try right now.” Frank swallows a KLP with his beer.
“Hey you guys over there,” Ilene, a lovely blonde, yells. “You’re not offering me a beer anymore?”
“If you want to know,” Ted says, “My Libido is dead. It’s official healthcare policy now. I have no incentive anymore to buy you a beer.”
“And what about you, Frank?”
“Sorry Ilene, I wanted to but just swallowed a KLP, and now I’m out.”
“Gee, you guys are boring.”
“Sure,” Ted says. “But at least you can’t sue me when I’m 80 for having tried to intoxicate you forty years ago.”
Help the Audrey Hepburn Children’s Fund by ordering a copy of Audrey – A Cherished Memory at http://amzn.to/2BuYKw6
Only US$8 and all proceeds go to the Audrey Fund. Give Audrey a chance!
Soon to come on Amazon.com: Francine, Dazzling Daugther of the Mountain State:
A corporate novel chronicles a young woman’s meteoric rise at a coal mining company. A dramatically taut tale propelled by artful characterization and political relevance – Kirkus Reviews.