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ENCHANTÉ – MARS MAN AT THE FRIENDS

The Swamp                                                       Mars Man

Mars Man is invited by the FRIENDS at the Hullahoo Bar to discuss America and The Swamp.

Frank: “Welcome Mars. Great you could join our Hullahoo drinks. It’s good to hear your first name is where you come from and your family name means humankind. Interesting!  Have a beer! I understand you drink the same stuff we do when you are in your earthly frame.”

Mars: “Yes, I do. Thanks for inviting me. Mars Man is my local ID. Katherine, my earthly wife from Nebraska, carries the same last name, and so do our two mixed-race boys who live here.”

Frank: “Exciting! Mars, all our friends here tonight are dying to have your views of current America. It has been an upsetting period for us all. How do you guys on Mars look at it?”

Mars Man: “As you know, Mars is a few light years ahead of Mother Earth so we do not connect all that well with your squabbles. They’re sort of Medieval to us, in your terms. Katherine and I consider your current state of affairs in dire straits, politically speaking. An oncoming trainwreck. An ominous debacle, like a meteor hitting you to smithereens, unless you cut the crap, using your language.”

Melissa: “Mars, how did you get here, are you an illegal Alien?”

Mars: “No Miss, I carry a green card. Katherine who you may know from Omaha TV owns a cornfield near Omaha, where I land with Mars Scooter One, but there is no border post.”

Mary: “How did you meet Katherine?”

Mars: “In the cornfield where I land. When I stepped out of Mars Scooter One, she was there, picking corn for dinner. As I changed into my human costume it was love at first sight.”

Mary: “Oh! That’s a wonderful love story!”

Frank: “So Mars, what crap do we have to cut?”

Mars: “To begin with, stop shooting yourself in the foot all the time. As soon as the U.S. elects its president, you start doing everything possible to make it impossible for that president to govern.”

Melissa: “And whose fault is that?”

Mars: “Your Swamp’s.”

Mary: “Forgive me, Mars, but can you help me with my gas bill?”

Fred: “Come on, Mary, ask your boyfriend or get the gas from the Swamp. You can smell it miles away. It’s gassing whole D.C. How do you define our Swamp, Mars?”

Mars: “Those who mind the store in the U.S. and want to stay in power, whether Democrats or NTs.”

Tom: “NTs?

Mars: “Never Trumpers.  One is from Utah.”

Cindy: Will we ever get rid of the Swamp?”

Mars: “No. The Swamp has become a fixed part of the American scene. It’s there to stay. They are those who live behind your steep fences, thick oak doors, in luxury highrises, fashionable quarters of D.C., New York, L.A., and San Francisco.”

Melissa: “What do people on Mars think of our politics?”

Mars: “We don’t like that your politicians want to invade Mars. When you do, we’ll have a Made in China Virus waiting for you free of charge.”

Ted: “You wouldn’t welcome us? We just paid you a beer.”

Mars: “If you find a Martian wife, she may manage to sneak you in. But we have different bodies and use electrodes for sex, so to make one pregnant may not be easy for you.”

Caithlyn: “So what’s the trainwreck, Mars?”

Mars: “Bernie Sanders will be elected President because he gives everybody a free lunch, and when the money is up, you guys have to pay all that back and live on a basic salary that won’t be enough to have a beer.”

Melissa: “That just seems fine to me. I like socialism. Everybody in the same boat, no jealousy of the Jones’s. Why is that a trainwreck?”

Mars: Because everybody will be miserable, except those in power, and everyone who protests against the government will be imprisoned in gulags or retraining camps.”

Caithlyn: “But that is Marxist. Communist. Americans are not like that.”

Mars: “Bernie is, and many voting Americans think he’s the greatest mind who’s ever set foot on Earth.”

Frank: “A horrible prediction, Mars. How can you be so sure?”

Mars: “It’s been written on the wall. Bloomberg will be Bernie’s vassal because he couldn’t get elected. In compensation, Bloomberg will combine and lead State, Treasury, and Defense all together, like his company, and join hands with China where he got all his money. No trade wars anymore, and China will take over your market with Bloomberg owning a main share. This way they will outmaneuver Russia, Bernie’s former buddies. Bernie wouldn’t need money for Tomahawks anymore, and can spend it all on free university and Medicare for All.”

Frank: “Why would Bernie do that? He went to Moscow on honeymoon.”

Mars: “Putin double-crossed him with a cyber attack on his FeelTheBern. com site after Bernie scolded Putin for meddling in the US elections to support Hillary and accused Putin of over the top militarism.”

Tom: “And what happens to us?”

Mars: “You’ll all be equal, eat kale, cauliflower, spinach, or some stale Chinese carry-outs, drink no beer and only small sodas. Cable news is gone as all news will be democrat state news, which is not much different from today. All former anchors and TV prima donnas will be sent to retraining camps and their overpaid salaries confiscated to pay for the student debt.”

Mary: “But what would you do with Katherine and the boys?”

Mars: “We have an undisclosed location in the Caribbean where only I can land. Katherine and the boys will be self-sufficient there, even if Mother Earth goes to pot.”

Jason enters with a platter of new beers. “Hi everyone, this is offered for free by Bernie Sanders. But you must vote for him. Any takers?”

Melissa: “I’ll have one, thanks.”

Mary: “Me too, I take anything that’s free.”

Jason: “But you must sign your name on this ballot. Any more?”

Silence.

Frank: “We’ll pay for them, Jason, as long as we can.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ENCHANTÉ – I STOLE A PRINCE

 

I stole a Prince

I did not wince

Became a queen

like on the screen

Got a title

that was vital

for a girl

on the swirl

 

But the palace

was a menace

I acted  queen

the press was mean

Being royal

so disloyal

 

I swayed Harry

please do marry

but that glamour

made me stammer

Is my life

a parlor wife?

 

Harry love I said aloud

I got you, but I want out

live a life

sans royal strife

 

Dear Duchess, so Harry said

that is not why I thee wed

We are the Crown

white and brown

unite the monarchy

and do so honorably

 

My dear Prince the Duchess said

that is not why I thee wed

I want the glamour

and the manor

but not the functions

and boring luncheons

 

Then, dear Dutchess, Prince Harry spoke

you tell grandma you got woke

The Dutchess did

but got a fit

She lost her title

and went from idol

back to Markle

Must pay rent

for their cottage tent

 

Grandma Beth now says goodbye

When you feel like, please drop by

Harry Meghan on to where?

A  money future, with Opra flair?

Harry swindled?

Meghan dwindled?

Monarchy kindled?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON POLITICS

The Friends are back from winter sport, year-end festivities, dinners by candlelight, romance and family gatherings at the Christmas tree and the fireplace. All are in a good mood to face the challenges of 2020. Of course, like everybody else, they are bewildered about how wildly Congress spends their tax dollars on wasteful politics.

Frank: “Let’s do a game. I name a person or a subject, and each of you typifies it. Here we go: “Impeachment.” Melissa, you first.”

Melissa: “Protection of the Constitution. Nobody is above the law.”

Frank: “Any nobody in particular?”

Melissa: “Trump, of course.”

Cindy: “What did he do above the law?”

Melissa: “Omit asking Congress permission to talk to Zelensky and when he did anyway he undermined Biden’s credibility for his political benefit.”

Frank: “Mary, is that ‘above the law’?”

Mary: “I don’t give a hoot. I don’t like people listening in to my telephone calls in the first place to tell the world what I said, blame me for something, and then take me to court. To me, that’s above the law.”

Caitlyn: “I agree. Congress has been trying to impeach for three years, and set up a spy ring in the White House, doing everything to find something they could finally impeach Trump for. That’s political spying on the White House and that’s above the law.”

Frank: Next one, whistleblower? Mary?”

Mary: “A windbag! A traitor. He won’t pay my gas bill with his tricks. This guy was a dirty CIA spy. Trump now knows he can’t trust anybody working with him. How is he going to talk to any world leader now?”

Fred: “What’s a whistleblower? Someone who blows up something. He did but for what good.”

Melissa: “He brought abuse of power to light, Fred.”

Fred: “Abuse? If somebody in your office secretly worked to undermine your career, wouldn’t you request your personnel officer to dig into that? I would!”

Melissa: “In Trump’s case, that’s election fraud.”

Caitlyn: “What about the Democrat senators who contributed to Burisma gas? And the Obama administration supporting Ukrainian gas and blocking ours?”

Frank: “Good point, Caitlyn. Next one: ‘Shifty Shiff’. Ted, you haven’t said anything so far. Go!”

Ted: ” ‘Slimy Schiff’. Ever seen such a face? Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi, wonderful couple, with Schumer as their godfather granddad. LA has become a swamp.”

Melissa: “Wrong. I was there last week. Everybody lives happily together, rich and poor, rags to riches.”

Jason enters with a plate full of beer. “I heard that, Melissa. What about the poop on your doorstep?”

Frank: “Okay, next one: ‘The Impeachment Process.’ Cindy, you’re a lawyer, what’s your take?”

Cindy: “A Ramshackle. These so-called House prosecutors would be laughed out of my courtroom. The requirements are ‘treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.’ They couldn’t come up with any arguments to support these crimes. So they made up their own. So it’s doomed to fail.”

Ted: “Ukraine is a murky country, least developed, one of the worst corruption cases on the Richter scale. When it seceded from the USSR at its collapse, it did not get rid of the stereotype Russian corruption.”

Caitlyn: “Still, Obama gave them soft military aid. Why wouldn’t we make sure that our tax dollars are going to be used efficiently and for the purpose intended, in particular, if you give them more money with lethal aid?”

Frank: “Right. And what had those Bidens to do with all that tax money? They were in the midst of the corruption business, as Biden eminently displayed on TV.  If there was any quid pro quo it’s that one.”

Ted: “The Democrat party has lowered the bar for impeachment to a political football. What will happen if Biden gets elected?”

Cindy: “Obvious. The Republicans will impeach him for Quid Pro Quo on day one.”

Frank: “There you go. So, what about Rudy Juliani? Melissa?”

Melissa: “An Ukrainian crook. Bolton called him an unpinned hand grenade ready to explode.”

Caitlyn: “Juliani’s statements on TV sound like a Vince Flynn novel. There’s a lot more dirt on the Ukrainian side than we ever want to know.”

Frank: “Does anyone want a presidential candidate who contributed our hard-earned tax dollars to Ukrainian crooks? Scream “yes” or “no”.

All friends, even Melissa, scream “No!”

(Confidential information: Melissa votes for Bernie Sanders…)

Frank: “Last question: Nicknames for Democrat candidates. We already have Pocahontes for Warner, Sleepy Joe for Biden, The Nutty Professor for Sanders, what about Buttiegek?  Caitlyn?”

Caitlyn: “Bootiecrack? Bootiequack?”

Frank: “Vote for Bootiecrack? Say aye.”

A few say “Aye.”

Frank: “Vote for Bootiequack?”

An overwhelming “Aye.”  The Friends hoist their glasses.

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