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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON POLITICS

The Friends are back from winter sport, year-end festivities, dinners by candlelight, romance and family gatherings at the Christmas tree and the fireplace. All are in a good mood to face the challenges of 2020. Of course, like everybody else, they are bewildered about how wildly Congress spends their tax dollars on wasteful politics.

Frank: “Let’s do a game. I name a person or a subject, and each of you typifies it. Here we go: “Impeachment.” Melissa, you first.”

Melissa: “Protection of the Constitution. Nobody is above the law.”

Frank: “Any nobody in particular?”

Melissa: “Trump, of course.”

Cindy: “What did he do above the law?”

Melissa: “Omit asking Congress permission to talk to Zelensky and when he did anyway he undermined Biden’s credibility for his political benefit.”

Frank: “Mary, is that ‘above the law’?”

Mary: “I don’t give a hoot. I don’t like people listening in to my telephone calls in the first place to tell the world what I said, blame me for something, and then take me to court. To me, that’s above the law.”

Caitlyn: “I agree. Congress has been trying to impeach for three years, and set up a spy ring in the White House, doing everything to find something they could finally impeach Trump for. That’s political spying on the White House and that’s above the law.”

Frank: Next one, whistleblower? Mary?”

Mary: “A windbag! A traitor. He won’t pay my gas bill with his tricks. This guy was a dirty CIA spy. Trump now knows he can’t trust anybody working with him. How is he going to talk to any world leader now?”

Fred: “What’s a whistleblower? Someone who blows up something. He did but for what good.”

Melissa: “He brought abuse of power to light, Fred.”

Fred: “Abuse? If somebody in your office secretly worked to undermine your career, wouldn’t you request your personnel officer to dig into that? I would!”

Melissa: “In Trump’s case, that’s election fraud.”

Caitlyn: “What about the Democrat senators who contributed to Burisma gas? And the Obama administration supporting Ukrainian gas and blocking ours?”

Frank: “Good point, Caitlyn. Next one: ‘Shifty Shiff’. Ted, you haven’t said anything so far. Go!”

Ted: ” ‘Slimy Schiff’. Ever seen such a face? Adam Schiff and Nancy Pelosi, wonderful couple, with Schumer as their godfather granddad. LA has become a swamp.”

Melissa: “Wrong. I was there last week. Everybody lives happily together, rich and poor, rags to riches.”

Jason enters with a plate full of beer. “I heard that, Melissa. What about the poop on your doorstep?”

Frank: “Okay, next one: ‘The Impeachment Process.’ Cindy, you’re a lawyer, what’s your take?”

Cindy: “A Ramshackle. These so-called House prosecutors would be laughed out of my courtroom. The requirements are ‘treason, bribery, or other high crimes and misdemeanors.’ They couldn’t come up with any arguments to support these crimes. So they made up their own. So it’s doomed to fail.”

Ted: “Ukraine is a murky country, least developed, one of the worst corruption cases on the Richter scale. When it seceded from the USSR at its collapse, it did not get rid of the stereotype Russian corruption.”

Caitlyn: “Still, Obama gave them soft military aid. Why wouldn’t we make sure that our tax dollars are going to be used efficiently and for the purpose intended, in particular, if you give them more money with lethal aid?”

Frank: “Right. And what had those Bidens to do with all that tax money? They were in the midst of the corruption business, as Biden eminently displayed on TV.  If there was any quid pro quo it’s that one.”

Ted: “The Democrat party has lowered the bar for impeachment to a political football. What will happen if Biden gets elected?”

Cindy: “Obvious. The Republicans will impeach him for Quid Pro Quo on day one.”

Frank: “There you go. So, what about Rudy Juliani? Melissa?”

Melissa: “An Ukrainian crook. Bolton called him an unpinned hand grenade ready to explode.”

Caitlyn: “Juliani’s statements on TV sound like a Vince Flynn novel. There’s a lot more dirt on the Ukrainian side than we ever want to know.”

Frank: “Does anyone want a presidential candidate who contributed our hard-earned tax dollars to Ukrainian crooks? Scream “yes” or “no”.

All friends, even Melissa, scream “No!”

(Confidential information: Melissa votes for Bernie Sanders…)

Frank: “Last question: Nicknames for Democrat candidates. We already have Pocahontes for Warner, Sleepy Joe for Biden, The Nutty Professor for Sanders, what about Buttiegek?  Caitlyn?”

Caitlyn: “Bootiecrack? Bootiequack?”

Frank: “Vote for Bootiecrack? Say aye.”

A few say “Aye.”

Frank: “Vote for Bootiequack?”

An overwhelming “Aye.”  The Friends hoist their glasses.

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ENCHANTÉ – KATHRYN INTERVIEWS LU – Governor of Province America

Kathryn of OMAHA TV

“Welcome to the Mao Xi Jinping Tower, Ms. Kathryn,” says Lu Kung Si, Chinese Governor of Province America. “Look out to New Beijing,” he added proudly, pointing from his windows to the landscape of former New York City.

“Thanks, Mr. Lu,” Kathryn says. “Mars proposed to me on this building when it was still ours.”

“Please, sit down,” Lu says, ignoring Kathryn’s reference to better times for the U.S. “So, what can I do for you?”

“What are your plans for what you call ‘Province America’?”

“Province America will have semi-autonomous status,” Lu says. “But under Chinese rule of law, as I explained to your dear husband Mars last time.” (http://bit.ly/2Jvsfoq)

“But reports say America’s former economic boom has all but dissipated in the Province.”

“Not so,” Lu objects. “You forget that Province America’s economy is now mostly informal and not recorded in the government statistics and for good reason. No venture capitalism anymore.”

“But is that not a recognition that Chinese communism or socialism does not work?”

“How do you think China’s economy grew so fast that it beat the former U.S.A.?” Lu exclaims, vexed by Kathryn’s statement. “We apply our successful Communist Party’s mercantilism.”

“But is the slowing economy of Province America not due to the fact that China cannot steal the former U.S. technology anymore?” dares Kathryn.

“Ms. Kathryn,” warns Lu, “I hate to be impolite but the same rule I allow in interviews with Mars applies to you. One more impertinent question and I must order you out the door.”

“Let me rephrase the question then, Mr. Lu,” says Kathryn, unperturbed. “How come that the former innovative American mind does not produce the same results under Chinese dominance?”

“You are close to being thrown out the door, Ms. Kathryn. You may be a free resident of the State of Nebraska, but if you continue to disrespect China’s successful hegemony over Province America we shall have to reconsider the Xi Jinping-Buffett Convention.”

“We know that the Free State of Nebraska has become a thorn in the eye of your great President, Mr. Lu,” says Kathryn. “And you know that many of the great American companies that previously resided in what is now Province America have fled to my State, despite the Chinese Wall. Does that worry your Government?”

“Absolutely not. The previous economies of scale are simply not there anymore. The stock exchanges in New York are Chinese. All revenue is directed to the Chinese Treasury. Capital is made over there, not here. Buffett is aware.”

“But your great President wants his Buffett shares to flourish, no?” Kathryn asks, with a sly smile.

“We do not discuss the President’s musings, Ms. Kathryn,” Lu responds dryly. “Any more questions?”

“What are your plans with the former president of the U.S.? Will he continue to be imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay?”

“Yes, as will all of his collaborators, including the former First Lady. There’s enough room as we transported all previous Arab prisoners to Alcatraz. We  do not allow former disruptors of world peace to roam free in their countries of origin.”

“Thanks for that,” Kathryn says. “What about the Capitol, the former politicians? Will Province America still have elections for its local rulers?”

“There is only one Party now, the Socialist Democratic Party led by Bernie Sanders. They don’t rule but can use the Capitol for socialistic debates as before. No elections are needed. Bernie is socialist democratic enough and has been made Province of America’s Figurehead for Life, which at his age won’t be that long anyway. We will see what happens then.”

“Would Ms. Cortez succeed him?”

“I don’t think so. She is too toxic even for Chinese taste, even though the color of her lips represents the color of our flag.”

“But what about the other former politicians?”

“All non-socialist politicians are now in hard labor camps doing work for the first time in their life.” Lu chuckles.

“And what happened to the White House?”

“I thought a good journalist like you would have known that by now.” Lu flicks his hand, impatient.

“Well, I am asking for my audience,” Kathryn says, on the defensive.

“It’s being renovated as President Xi Jinping’s Eastern Residence for vacation.” Lu Kung Si seems hesitant in revealing this information.

“Would he rent out the Lincoln Bedroom?” ventures Kathryn, taking revenge.

“Watch your questions, Ms. Kathryn. President Xi Jinping is not as mercantile as some of your previous American Presidents or Secretaries of State who used public property for their personal pay for play schemes.” Lu smirked, contemptuously. “China is not corrupt. Your time is up, Ms. Kathryn. Come again.”

* * *

Relieved to fly back to Free Nebraska in her company plane, drinking Buffett beer, Kathryn files her report to Mars City TV. At Omaha TV she delivers it during the evening news. Back home, her secure cell phone rings. The screen announces, “Warren Buffett.”

“Well done,” he says. “We have a lot of border crossings from Province America. They’re digging tunnels to reach freedom. We’ve established a secure cyber link with Gitmo, but keep that for your self. We’re not giving up. Stay tuned.”

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ENCHANTÉ – CHINA’S DEMOCRACY

Mars Man on Planet Earth and on Mars with Kathryn of Omaha TV

Mars Man is visiting Lu again for an interview on behalf of Mars TV at the Chinese America Office, formerly the Empire State Building, now called The Mao Xi Jinping Tower.

“Morning, Lu, how’s everything?”

“Province America is doing great, thanks to Bernie Sanders, now Chief Comrade of Province America, and Miss Cortez, Vice Chief Comrade. All schools are public now with free education, learning Mandarin as the first language. Healthcare is free. University is free and student loans are forgiven. Everyone has a fixed salary and nobody pays taxes as these are automatically withheld. All commerce and manufacturing is ‘Made in China’ and all revenues are paid into the Chinese Treasury.”

“My wife Kathryn says that her government salary is totally insufficient. I have to support her with Mars gold. The Yen does not have enough purchasing power she says.”

“Everyone’s salary is the same because everybody is equal. It’s about the same level as the old Social Security was. People have to learn how to live in a socialistic society. No jealousy, no keeping up with the Joneses. Bernie wanted that households with a maximum of two children up to eighteen years old get an extra allowance. We agreed to that, but that meant that the average salary had to be lower. All money is government money. Kathryn should be happy to receive money from China.”

“What happened to the money of the rich?”

“Chief Comrade Sanders said to confiscate their money because it was all stolen. So we did. Everybody has the same amount of money. Only the Leader determines who may have more.”

“Do citizens here still have freedom as embedded in the US Constitution?”

“You’re misinformed, Mars. The US Constitution is no more. The Founding Fathers are gone. Province America is ruled by the new Founding Fathers, Mao and Xi Jinping, with Bernie Sanders and Miss Cortez as their valets. Everyone is free within the confines of socialism.”

“What happened to President Trump and his military establishment?”

“President Trump made the mistake of visiting China with his top generals and political entourage to meet President Xi Jinping. They were incarcerated for unfriendly behavior about our legit American market share and shipped to Guantanamo Bay. China took over America with our superior Cyberwarfare equipment without firing one shot.”

“So you helped the American political left to achieve their goal of removing their rightfully elected President. Was there any collusion between you, Biden and Sanders?”

“Don’t ask impertinent questions, Mars. You know the rule. One more and you are out the door.”

“Sorry, Lu, but the former President was accused of collusion. Since you removed him from office in the interest of the left, the question arises. Back on the salary matter, if everyone has the same state salary, do people still have jobs?”

“In a planned economy, everyone has a job. The new State Districts of Province America assign jobs to them. The former states have been abolished. People living in each State District must register at the Xi Jinping Party Office. Those who do not will be imprisoned and they and their relatives forfeit their state salary.”

“But my wife says that her state salary cannot pay for needed groceries in the state commissaries.”

“In China, people have no problem buying in and living on state commissaries, so if we Chinese can, Chinese Americans can too. Most Americans are overweight anyway. Slimming down by living on a state salary is cheaper than paying exorbitant fees for Nutrisystem.”

“That’s tough on what used to be a freedom-loving society. Have there not been any protests?”

“No protests. Do you remember Tiananmen square?  President Xi dictated that everyone must closely adhere to the Communist Party line, or else. There are serious consequences if they don’t, such as life-long labor camps. So far, the inhabitants of Province America got the message.”

“Are people allowed to stay in their multimillion-dollar homes?” 

“Only true Chinese and true Chinese American collaborators can if they contribute to the Leader. Others must move out to make room for them. Chief Comrade Sanders and his pupil Miss Cortez are assigned McMansions of their liking. Miss Pelosi is holed up for free in an assistant-living residence managed by a state commissary.”

“Do South Americans still cross the border?”

“No, for two reasons. The Trump Wall now serves to prevent people from moving out. Second, Central American states are dominated by socialist regimes that closely collaborate with China. China does not tolerate migration.”

“Am I correct that China has destroyed Western democracy?”

“Your premise is wrong. Chinese democracy existed many centuries before Western nations were born. Who is to say that Western Democracy is better than Chinese Democracy? It’s all in the eyes of the beholder. China’s democracy has ruled a population grown to close 1.5 billion. How could you govern a population that large with Western Democracy? American democracy grew decadent with its sexual aberrations and political and religious infighting. Their politicians turned into a class of clowns. They dug their own grave. In a way, China has saved the Americans from themselves. Soon, we will save Mars from the Marsians.”

“I don’t think so, Lu. Our Cyber Power is still a multiple of China’s. I have no problem flying to and from Planet Earth in a jiffy. Mars Democracy is much older than China’s. Be careful, do not touch Mars or we focus our beams on Bejing and obliterate your system. Goodbye, Lu, it was a pleasure meeting you again.”

After kissing off Kathryn in Omaha, Mars Man scooted back to Mars. On the way, cybermalfare rattled the shield of Space Scooter One. Mars Man took his cell phone and dialed Lu. “Lu, stop that rattling right now or I pulverize your Xi Tower with my afterburner.” The rattling died right away.

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ENCHANTÉ – CHINA’S DEMOCRACY

Mars Man on Planet Earth and on Mars with Kathryn of Omaha TV

Mars Man is visiting Lu again for an interview on behalf of Mars TV at the Chinese America Office, formerly the Empire State Building, now called The Mao Xi Jinping Tower.

“Morning, Lu, how’s everything?”

“Province America is doing great, thanks to Bernie Sanders, now Chief Comrade of Province America, and Miss Cortez, Vice Chief Comrade. All schools are public now with free education, learning Mandarin as the first language. Healthcare is free. University is free and student loans are forgiven. Everyone has a fixed salary and nobody pays taxes as these are automatically withheld. All commerce and manufacturing is ‘Made in China’ and all revenues are paid into the Chinese Treasury.”

“My wife Kathryn says that her government salary is totally insufficient. I have to support her with Mars gold. The Yen does not have enough purchasing power she says.”

“Everyone’s salary is the same because everybody is equal. It’s about the same level as the old Social Security was. People have to learn how to live in a socialistic society. No jealousy, no keeping up with the Joneses. Bernie wanted that households with a maximum of two children up to eighteen years old get an extra allowance. We agreed to that, but that meant that the average salary had to be lower. All money is government money. Kathryn should be happy to receive money from China.”

“What happened to the money of the rich?”

“Chief Comrade Sanders said to confiscate their money because it was all stolen. So we did. Everybody has the same amount of money. Only the Leader determines who may have more.”

“Do citizens here still have freedom as embedded in the US Constitution?”

“You’re misinformed, Mars. The US Constitution is no more. The Founding Fathers are gone. Province America is ruled by the new Founding Fathers, Mao and Xi Jinping, with Bernie Sanders and Miss Cortez as their valets. Everyone is free within the confines of socialism.”

“What happened to President Trump and his military establishment?”

“President Trump made the mistake of visiting China with his top generals and political entourage to meet President Xi Jinping. They were incarcerated for unfriendly behavior about our legit American market share and shipped to Guantanamo Bay. China took over America with our superior Cyberwarfare equipment without firing one shot.”

“So you helped the American political left to achieve their goal of removing their rightfully elected President. Was there any collusion between you, Biden and Sanders?”

“Don’t ask impertinent questions, Mars. You know the rule. One more and you are out the door.”

“Sorry, Lu, but the former President was accused of collusion. Since you removed him from office in the interest of the left, the question arises. Back on the salary matter, if everyone has the same state salary, do people still have jobs?”

“In a planned economy, everyone has a job. The new State Districts of Province America assign jobs to them. The former states have been abolished. People living in each State District must register at the Xi Jinping Party Office. Those who do not will be imprisoned and they and their relatives forfeit their state salary.”

“But my wife says that her state salary cannot pay for needed groceries in the state commissaries.”

“In China, people have no problem buying in and living on state commissaries, so if we Chinese can, Chinese Americans can too. Most Americans are overweight anyway. Slimming down by living on a state salary is cheaper than paying exorbitant fees for Nutrisystem.”

“That’s tough on what used to be a freedom-loving society. Have there not been any protests?”

“No protests. Do you remember Tiananmen square?  President Xi dictated that everyone must closely adhere to the Communist Party line, or else. There are serious consequences if they don’t, such as life-long labor camps. So far, the inhabitants of Province America got the message.”

“Are people allowed to stay in their multimillion-dollar homes?” 

“Only true Chinese and true Chinese American collaborators can if they contribute to the Leader. Others must move out to make room for them. Chief Comrade Sanders and his pupil Miss Cortez are assigned McMansions of their liking. Miss Pelosi is holed up for free in an assistant-living residence managed by a state commissary.”

“Do South Americans still cross the border?”

“No, for two reasons. The Trump Wall now serves to prevent people from moving out. Second, Central American states are dominated by socialist regimes that closely collaborate with China. China does not tolerate migration.”

“Am I correct that China has destroyed Western democracy?”

“Your premise is wrong. Chinese democracy existed many centuries before Western nations were born. Who is to say that Western Democracy is better than Chinese Democracy? It’s all in the eyes of the beholder. China’s democracy has ruled a population grown to close 1.5 billion. How could you govern a population that large with Western Democracy? American democracy grew decadent with its sexual aberrations and political and religious infighting. Their politicians turned into a class of clowns. They dug their own grave. In a way, China has saved the Americans from themselves. Soon, we will save Mars from the Marsians.”

“I don’t think so, Lu. Our Cyber Power is still a multiple of China’s. I have no problem flying to and from Planet Earth in a jiffy. Mars Democracy is much older than China’s. Be careful, do not touch Mars or we focus our beams on Bejing and obliterate your system. Goodbye, Lu, it was a pleasure meeting you again.”

After kissing off Kathryn in Omaha, Mars Man scooted back to Mars. On the way, cybermalfare rattled the shield of Space Scooter One. Mars Man took his cell phone and dialed Lu. “Lu, stop that rattling right now or I pulverize your Xi Tower with my afterburner.” The rattling died right away.

 

 

 

 

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ENCHANTÉ – THE FRIENDS ON MUELLER

The Friends, having drinks at the Hullahoo Bar, talk about what all Americans are talking about: the fall out of the Mueller Report. A lot of yelling and screaming.

“You know,” Frank says, “it’s weird but the major players going after Trump are all Jewish. In the House, you’ve got Adam Schiff and Jerrold Nadler. In the Senate, it’s Chuck Schumer, Richard Blumenthal, and Diane Feinstein.”

“And on the campaign trail, we have Bernie Sanders,” Cindy says. “What’s the connection?”

“Most Jewish representatives are Democrats,” Melissa says. “Same for the Senate. That’s the connection.”

“Why aren’t there more Republican Jews?” pondered Ted. “Many of them have money, are well educated and are high up on the social scale.”

“So are Democrats,” Fred says, flicking his hand. “That’s no rationale for being a Republican.”

“It’s cultural,” Mary says. “Republicans say the US is basically Christian, and they have a large Evangelical base. Democrats hammer on the separation of Church and State. Jews say they aren’t Christians so they feel more comfortable with the liberal position.”

“If that’s so, you make my point,” Frank retorts. “Those Jewish Dems go after Trump because he’s Christian and woos the Evangelical vote.”

“Not all Jews are Democrats,” Celine argues. “Democrats have shown their antisemitic streak by circling the wagons around Omar. That may turn Jews away from the Democrat party. Republicans are committed to Israel. Obama was not. Omar is not.”

“How can Jews support the Dems’ leftist agenda?” asks Ted. “High taxes, abortion, anti-religion, climate war, free speech for socialists only, is that in their DNA?”

“Some Jewish voters may be independent like me and more may become like me,” Celine says. “They don’t like the Democrat position on marriage, sexuality, abortion, let alone the new left socialist slogans.”

“What do you think will happen to that Mueller Report?” asks Fred.

“The Democrats in the House will milk it ad nauseum,” Melissa responds. “The White House does well to fight their subpoenas. I bet it goes away by the next election when the Republicans win the house back.”

“How sure are you about that?” Tom asks.

“Because all independents like Celine, you and I are sick of that Mueller fishing expedition, and the Democrat party won’t have anything to show for,” Melissa says.

“I wonder how much these guys earned on this mud job out of the thirty-five million they spent,” Frank says.

“A lot more than you and me,” Cindy says. “When Mueller didn’t get Comey’s job, he whispered to his buddy Comey and then Rosenstein gave him his money worth writing that insufferable Report. An inside conjob.”

“And he took two and a half years doing it in revenge, leaving everybody twisting in the wind,” Ted says. “Trying to accuse Trump of something he didn’t do, which he knew all the way along.”

“So-called about Russian meddling, but using it for political purposes only to down the President,” scoffs Frank.

“Bankrupting many people with attorney fees, while striking up tons of public money for themselves,” added Melissa. “It looks like we are in a socialist country already.”

“Bankrupted for what they call process crimes, in quotes,” Fred says, making signs with his fingers. “Dragging them out of their homes at dawn with guns drawn. Ridiculous.”

“The Special Counsel system is out of control,” Tom says. “The FBI acts like the Russian KGB, tipping off the left media for show. Melissa nails it, we are socialist already.”

“Right,” Cindy says. “These prosecutors get rich on someone else’s money while sending their innocent victims to the poor house.”

“And we pay,” Frank complains. “My taxes went up this year, not down.”

“My taxes went up too,” Mary affirms. “The cuts went somewhere else. Somebody in the IRS is botching mine.”

“Anybody wants to hear more of that Mueller stuff, raise your hand,” Fred shouts.

No hands.

“I only hope they find out who started this hoax and how high that went up in the Obama White House,” Mary says. “More heads must roll and the rude FBI must be reigned in.”

“I think we can all drink to that,” Frank says and raises his glass.

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