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Johannes at his baptism site_crop and Mars Man

and Kathryn from Omaha TV

Kathyn from Mars

Kathryn of Omaha TV is on,  Mars TV is connected, and Mars Man is with Barack Husain Obama in Honolulu in an undisclosed location under a coconut tree.

Kathryn: Go ahead, Mars Man, you are on!

Mars Man: Thank you, Kathryn. Viewers, we are here with the US President hiding in Hawai. Dear Mr. President,  how does it feel to be on eternal vacation in your homeland?

BHO: I take the Fifth.

Mars Man: Excuse me, sir, but you are not in Congress. You can speak freely here, no fear. Your obedient servants in America must’ve felt that they needed that new car smell you talked about.

BHO: They’re misguided. My smell is pretty good. Just got half a gallon of aged Old Spice on sale in the drugstore. As for my eternal vacation, that’s in the eye of the beholder. Eric Holder will get me back soon.

Mars Man: But Holder has also been deposed.

BHO: He will find a subtle way, as he did with Fast and Furious. And there is still the Executive Order. And I have my pen and phone. And I still have a free Obama phone, and if they take that away, I have a few boxes of them left in my wine cellar here.

Mars Man: You must’ve heard that John Kerry went to Paris to apologize for your absence at the World Rally in Paris and that he was accompanied by a singer totally unknown in France nobody could hear.

BHO:  We tried Beyoncé, but the Military blocked her from going. Joe Biden was willing, but he sings false.

Mars Man: You must feel pretty impoverished here in your new hiding space.

BHO: It’s no different from the White House. We were pretty broke, anyway. And have a lot of debt.

Mars Man:  Something on the order of nineteen plus trillion, we hear. That’s a great legacy.

BHO: The same as other Presidents. Bill and Hillary were dead poor when they left. That freaky Bush had to sell his football club to pay off his. I’ll just write another book and get my money back.

Mars Man: Hillary’s publisher lost millions on hers.

BHO: Sure, but she kept the ten million dollar advance. I can write and speak a lot about my legacy, and they’re willing to pay me high fees in the millions, dwarfing Hillary’s extra fees for nonsense speeches about how poor she was. I grew up in the ghettos of Nairobi and Jakarta.  I can talk about my birth certificate. Best hoax ever.

Mars Man: What legacy would you speak of?

BHO: I have many. Take Obamacare. Carries my name. Historical. Fast and Furious. To rub that silly nose of Arizona Sherriff Joe Arpaio in it.  IRS Audits of those wealthy Republicans that yielded a lot of money from unlawful Cayman tax shelters, and stopped those subversive Tea Party extremists. Worth at least ten speeches at a million a pop.

Mars Man: But your Democrat party lost the elections.

BHO: You’re wrong. We won. Two-thirds didn’t vote because they supported my policies.

Mars Man:   But the Republicans have the majority in Congress thanks to voters not supporting your policies.

BHO: All rubbish. What Republicans? They always cave when I raise my finger or call on Sharpton to blackmail them. Why do we need a Republican party anyway? One party, the Democrats, is good enough. Would save the taxpayers a lot of money.

Mars Man: What are the many other legacies?

BHO: Stopping the Keystone pipeline. After all, I have a lot of shares in Buffett’s railcars transporting oil. Solar energy, called Obamasun. Millions of acres covered with solar panels. All made in China. Biofuels. Windmill farms.

Mars Man: But we are told Solyndra went bankrupt with five hundred million taxpayer money gone down the drain, the electrical car got busted, and wind farms kill the American Eagle, your treasured national symbol.

BHO: In any war, be it drones or fossil fuels, we face collateral damage. An unintended consequence we shall have to accept as the cost of doing business. As for the national symbol, too bad for the bird, but Obama’s face would be good enough, especially because it’s black. And black is beautiful.

Mars Man: Benghazi was a major failure of your Administration. Four brave Americans dead among which your Ambassador. Why was that poopoed by your underlings?

BHO: I’ve said many times before that Benghazi was Hillary’s Department. I can’t help her three o’clock phone was off the hook. I tried my best to help her out by sending Susan around the Sunday shows and because Susan loves me she did a fabulous job. Everyone believed she told the truth, as we always do.

Mars Man: But you said you could keep your doctor, your insurance plan and pay much less premium, and none of that proved true.

BHO: That’s old hat. We’ve explained all that. Sometimes the truth is better not told.

Mars Man: What is your view on Trumps’s take-over of your Government?

BHO:  It’s illegitimate. They won’t get away with it. My underlings have launched an appeal to the High Court.

Mars Man: Judge Roberts may not be as friendly to you this time as he was with Obamacare. Both of you seem to have peculiar views on what is legitimate. But the way we see it on Mars, things will be a lot better in the USA, even the world. Your trillion foreign debts are going to be paid off; demonstrations will stop, and Russia and China will shut up. The IRS will be abolished, and taxes will be greatly reduced. Americans believe in themselves again. People say they’re relieved not to see you on TV anymore with your hands wobbling while you’re running down the steps of Air Force One.

BHO: Don’t ridicule my daily exercise. I can’t play golf all the time. As for Russia, we made rubble of it. China needs our money for our Solyndra panels. Iran will get their bomb regardless, so why bother. Not even the military can do anything about that.  It will put the Shiites and the Sunni Muslims on a level playing field. Israel has the bomb already, so why not Saudi Arabia, too.

Mars Man: People on Mars are glad we are away far enough when it all blows up.

BHO: That’s how it is said in the Scripts: doomsday is here. I said I would fundamentally transform America and I did. Even the world. You can’t take that away from me. That’s my greatest legacy. I have to go back to Michelle now. She promised me a dinner of suckling pig if I voted for her Senate seat.

Mars Man: Fair enough, Mr. President. Greetings from Mars…..

The TV screen goes blank because a bomb went off somewhere. We are trying to fix the connection.

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ENCHANTÉ – Mice and ICE

Field Mouse. isolated. striped field mouse

It was 10 PM when I sat at my kitchen table, just home from a delightful concert at the Kennedy Center, having a late night snack with a good glass of wine. Suddenly, I had company. A mouse trotted by, lifting its nose, saying “Hello” in its funny mouse way. Shoot! It’s this time of the year again. It’s getting cold outside, and the tricky migrants sneak in, through invisible holes, fissures and garage doors. Well, it’s only one I thought. I called him Max, thinking it was a “he.”

two little decorative rats on white background

Next evening I sat down again at the kitchen table, watching the late-night news while sipping from a night cap, and this time, handsome Max came by with a friend I named Maxie. Same greeting. Even their tails wagged.

High-five sitting wild deer mice isolated on white.

“Anything to eat?” was the clear meaning in their eyes. I always make sure the floor is bereft of crumbs, so I could understand their frustration. Feeling good, I shared two pieces of real Dutch cheese. For American mice, this must have been an exceptional treat, because they scurried away with it into a corner so fast I could hardly follow them. That made me curious. I noticed a tiny open space between a wall and a molding on the freshly installed parquet flooring.

mouse getting out ot her hole in a luxury old-fashioned roon

I figured they had taken shelter in an adjacent storage room underneath the kitchen, which is my wife’s safe-space area I am not allowed to enter. Since I am a coward, I did not mention it to her.

It was a foggy Saturday. I lit the fireplace downstairs in the rec-room, put on Brahm’s piano concerto #2, and sat down with a warm cup of tea.  Unwittingly, I glanced at the basket where I keep old newspapers (mostly The Washington Post I don’t read anymore for obvious reasons). To my surprise, I saw Max’s and Maxie’s whole family snugly ensconced in snips of paper, snoozing or fast asleep. They seemed to like the music.

 

dc0373e0-0061-4790-9fa1-5bbae825edc9

 

This got me a little bit concerned. I admitted that I had a nice warm house and understood the plight of mice in the cold. But they seemed overly content, making babies by the dozens which had all to be fed. From what? I explored the basement, which is another area my wife designates as storage room and inspected the laundry space. I found chunks of wool which seemed to be pulled from a cushion. Low and behold, the remnants led me to a half-open cupboard where a bag of rice was torn with snippets all over the place. Max and Maxie had taken over this second storage room as well. A further inspection took me to the garage, which is full of carton boxes with wooly Christmas dolls. It turned out Maxie’s breeding house.

So I was obliged to inform the Missus of the mice invasion. “What!” And then a whole speech of why I didn’t tell her before, didn’t I have any sense of East West Home Best, all the diseases they bring in, the damage they do to the house, especially your antique heirloom furniture, etcetera, etcetera. I was ordered to call a pest removal service on the double. Well, that’s not easy on a Saturday. Going back to the fireplace to finish my tea, Max and Maxie and their children and relatives had gone into hiding because of the loud exchange of views. No wonder. Words about deportation from their newfound habitat had scared the hell out of them.

 

 

lemmings

The Pest service rang the bell.

ice-agent

 

 

I looked at the guy and asked if they hadn’t forgotten to put the “M” in front of the “ICE” on his shirt.

“Huh?” was the answer.

I opened the garage and pointed to the temporary headquarters of Max and Maxie.  “Where are you going to taken them?” I asked.

“Huh?” the agent said.

“I mean, what are you going to do with them?”

“You don’t want them in your house, do you?” he said, looking at me as if I were the dumbest idiot he’d ever met. I probably was.

“No, but…”

“No worry. We’ll take them across the street where they came from. Over there,” he said, pointing to the row of houses. “There, they gave them poisonous food. You, I understand, gave them Dutch cheese, that’s what your missus said. Blows my mind.”

“Well, there’s this thing of compassion, you know.” I knew the argument wouldn’t stick.

“Compassion?” he scowled. “Do you think they’ll feel compassion for you once they’ve taken over your place?”

group of mouses as a food for snakes

“So what do I do if they try to come back again?” I got really upset with the idea of having to sleep with mice crawling through my house and occupying the bathrooms when I needed to go.

“Build a barbed wired wall around your house, okay? We can do that for you!”

I retreated from the garage and let the MICE PATROL do their work. Max and Maxie left with their siblings and offspring under loud protest.

An army of rats is approaching - I hope the cat is ready! 3D render with digital painting.

I wasn’t around to hear it. We built the wall and lived happily ever after.
Multikulturelle Gruppe Frauen hinter weier Wand

SOME WOMEN I HAVE KNOWN – Piano John confuses playing sheet music with playing between the sheets 
AMAZON.COM AND PAPERBACK
http://amzn.to/1QIL94B

ENCHANTING THE SWAN : Grad students and musicians Paul and Fiona fall in love when they perform The Swan and agree to marry but paternal evil blocks their love until Christmas shows their blessing. A moving story of troubled love and  inspiring music you want to read.

http://amzn.to/1LPFw5o 

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ENCHANTÉ – The US 99 cents craze

many books of all literary genres for sale in a bookshop
Many books of all literary genres for sale for 99 cents.

Who ever came up with the 99 cents idea? The psycho crisis in the USA! Which dummy believes that 99 cents are not a 100 cents dollar? I still have pots full with dollar cents sitting in my basement. Even the mice don’t care for them. In Holland, I remember we discarded the penny a long time ago. The Euro still has one and two Eurocents coins but people rarely use them in shops. Amounts ending below 3 are rounded down, above 4 are rounded up to 5, and below 7 are rounded down to 5 and amounts ending at 8 or 9 are rounded up. But not in the great USA: the whole sales psychology is built around 99.

Price tag label with string isolated over white, 0.99 dollar cent

This craze goes into the thousands! Items are $299.99 or 1299.99, or for cars from 29499 to 45699 and so on. Buyers think they get a “deal” when it is priced at 99. Houses are being offered at 549599. Just price it at a whole dollar and the sale goes awry! Merchandisers and Buyers are all in the same fix. Even the National Debt ends up with 99. Rounding up or down is a non-starter. We all want to be deceived, thinking we are paying one dollar or Euro less or 100 dollars or a thousand less, while in fact, we are paying the full amount.  Sales people know it, buyers know it and everybody likes to deceive or perceive that things offered are cheaper when in fact they are not.

Ninety-nine percent off. Discount 99%. 3D illustration.
Ninety-nine percent off. Discount 99%.

99 cents 2-a

I am sure the July 4th Independence sales in the USA will be full of it. From grocery sales to car sales to home sales.  Your barbecue sausage will be $2.99 a pack. Your ham slices 4.99 a pack. Your new car 23,999. I don’t know how the summer sales in the Euro countries will be priced. Maybe they have different ways how to deceive the consumer. But we WANT to be deceived. My wife always buys because “it’s on sale” at 99 cents or percent less. That’s why the basement is full of unused bottles of cleaners and other chemicals, and the freezer full of great deals from the butcher that we can never ever eat in our lifetime.

clogging-1

You get the idea: the ninety-nine cents is a craze and leads to clogging and clutter. And then to think that Amazon.com started this for the poor writers. Selling your “e-book” for 99 cents? A book you have worked on for at least a year, spent hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars on for research, editing, and promotion? Is that fair? I hear that daily 5,000 new books appear on the market now that everyone can self-publish a book. A lot of that must be crap. Nonetheless, they are all floating in the clouds of Amazon.com, Barnes&Noble, and other “on-line” book retailers at 99 cents or some other low amount ending with 99.  Thousands of “book promoters” offer their services “full price” at “a discount” to get you “known” for thousands of dollars. And the writer gets 99 cents for his e-book minus “administrative costs!”  How’s that?

I feel like starting a war to abolish the penny. If I go to my bank with all those pots full of pennies, they will faint or send me to the madhouse. I want at least one wholesome dollar for my e-book, and fifteen or nineteen whole dollars for my paperback, free of the penny craze.

Of course, my books are infested with the ninety cents craze, too: E-book “Some Women I have Known” is priced at $1.99 http://amzn.to/1QIL94B; and “Enchanting The Swan” at $2.99. http://amzn.to/1LPFw5o . That’s how the publishers want it because the wisdom is that readers buy between .99 and 3.99.

If you can’t beat them, join them! Becoming a penny-crazed idiot is contagious in this world.

Happy July Fourth!

 

 

 

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Bernie Sanders proposes the Brain Power Tax

John at 18 -2a

You heard it here first! Our well-informed sources tell us that Bernie Sanders is developing his Brain Power Tax as part of his goal of eliminating inequality! Individuals born with extraordinary talents they got free from God must pay a tax according to the level of their IQ. Of course, the great majority as we can see daily on TV won’t be affected by that, but guys like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckenberg and Cruz, and many others with known high IQs will be hit. We hear that even Obama will be taxed, despite the fact that many consider him a moron.

BSanders

This tax is a great equalizer! What a brilliant idea! Don’t you feel annoyed that your neighbor in the class has that big brain while you are suffering to solve the simplest math problem? What did he do for it? Nops! He was just lucky, and now he looks at you if you are a nincompoop, while he is driving in a Rolls to his macmansion and you are heading for your shed in an old smoking Hyundai. It is rumored that the tax revenue will be entirely dedicated to a Fund for the Brainless and distributed annually at Christmas time to those who register as Unfortunate Dummies. Everybody who wants to benefit must show an IQ test by a certified Government Agency confirming you are below 90. If Unfortunate Dummies, mostly unskilled workers, increase their IQ scores, say up to 95 or even 100, they will receive a tax credit (even if they don’t pay taxes which is the majority).

Unfortunate Dummies must undergo an X-ray to show the size of their brain, before qualifying, and submit this at the Registration Center. Al Sharpton has already let it be known that he considers this discriminatory.

X-ray small brain on black background #2

Additionally, applicants must submit a photograph clearly confirming that they are dumb.

Young teenage girl making funny stupid face

This has also met with opposition from Al Sharpton,  even though he said he would not qualify, as he rated his IQ well above 150, which is. however, questioned by many. Nonetheless, he named himself Master Dummy, and declared he would defend the registration rights of the Unfortunate Dummies in his camp. Bernie Sanders, wanting to make inroads into the black community, supported him in this role, while remarking that there were many many white Dummies as well.  Jessica Simpson has already announced she will join Bernie Sander’s cause and would take up the case of white Dummies.

The White House has remained neutral in the matter, as they did not want to undermine the position of the former Secretary of State,

Hillary

who said that one of her dumbest mistakes was to put a secret server in her bathroom spewing national security issues world-wide.  The former Secretary also refrained from commentary. Indeed, many rated her deed of someone with an IQ well below 90, but we all know how well dumb people can do in life, just given the opportunity.

poor rich

 From rags to riches

We will see how well the proposal will fair in the National Elections. All Dummies Unite to improve your cash-flow, assuming you know what that means.

 

 

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Mars Man’s TV – Economy Stupid or Stupid Economy?

 

Mars Man

Our popular show “Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms” was on  Mars City TV to discuss the results of the USA 2010 mid-term elections.

“No surprises in the USA,” I said, opening the talks. “It was in the cards for many months. The Pied Piper got a good shaking down. He says he was not on the ballot but he clearly was. It’s the first time in a long time that mid-term local elections became national indeed. The majority of the American electorate said it rejects socialism. Shamus, tell us, was it what they call the economy stupid that broke the back of the President and his obstinate Democrats?”

“It was the stupid economy,” Shamus said coolly. “Because it does not want to do what the politicians want.”

“But don’t politicians know that?” I asked. “After all, they’re supposedly intelligent people, no?” Shamus put on a learned face.

“They try whatever they can to circumvent the economic laws promising heaven and manna to keep their seat. Especially the House with its two-year cycle. When it’s not working they blame the other party or Bush.”

“I thought economics was a social science, not a manipulative device,” Pasha said.

“True, it’s exactly the opposite of a manipulative device,” Elmer said, agitated. “That’s what the socialist’s ideology wants it to be. They disregard the fact that economics responds to a system of unwritten laws and doesn’t conform to the ones their lobbyists drafted and they voted on blindly. When lawmakers ignore them, they do so at their own peril and everybody else’s when the dirt hits the fan, and it did majestically this time.”

“It’s a science all right,” Shamus pointed out, turning to Pasha, “but not like a predictable chemical formula where you know that if you mix liquids, they explode. Politicians mix their laws with your tax money, saying you would be better off if you let them do that and when you look in your wallet a year after and you wonder why it’s empty, they still want more from you saying things take time.”

“But what about these economic laws?” I asked. “Our viewers would like to know.”

“Well, to simplify,” Shamus said, “Suppose I am manufacturing cars. Demand is good and I sell a lot of them. Other carmakers do too and we employ more people to manufacture more to supply demand. People make good money and buy more stuff. Everybody’s happy. Then Mr. Obama needs money for lofty programs that make his voters feel great, and his political majority enforces higher corporate taxes on cars to pay for them. Suddenly I can’t sell them my cars any more at the price I got, have to lay-off workers and must raise prices to stay in business. Then the buyers can’t buy cars at the price they could afford and I am loaded with inventory, make losses and can’t pay the high worker salaries anymore. Then the workers go on strike and I am forced out of business. That’s the economic laws that are at play, works like gravity. But because that’s bad politics, the politicians compound their mistake of raising taxes, and use tax payer money or borrowed money from China or both to keep me afloat and buy off my debts. To pay for that they must raise taxes even more and the Central Bank must print money. Then the US dollar declines in value and makes imports more expensive in the shops, people buy less, and slowly they go down the drain in the rest of the world. Double whammy as they say in the USA. The original mistake was to raise taxes to pay for programs that are not needed or they can ill afford. You have to live within your national means, not your political dreams.”

“Simply put, a stone does not fall zig-zag in physics but in politics it does,” Elmer chuckled.

“But don’t all parties on Earth do that?” Huda asked.

“Some more than others, but socialists in particular,” Tamil said. “The more they give people the more people depend on them and when the next government has to take that away to clean up, the people get mad. Look at France. Till the whole place is in such a mess that only draconian austerity can drag you out of the hole. Look at Britain.”

“But I read over the wire that even some reputable economists support these spending policies,” Pasha wondered. “Don’t the economic laws apply to them?”

“Some economists are socialist economists,” Shamus said. “for them capitalism is the culprit. They base their assumptions on ideology and skew their assumptions in such a way that the outcomes seem right. But their assumptions are artificial. They lack a mathematical base. Socialist ideologues make everyone poor because they want to kill the human urge that wants more. With them, life gets pretty drab, except for those in power. But not all is right with the capitalist economists either. Capitalism gives incentives to the risk takers to invent, produce and make money, but then everyone goes for the same buck, the economy overheats, and the balloon bursts. They call that the business cycle. Humans are imperfect and so are their markets.

A good governor with a good team knows how to manage these ups and downs. Socialists want to get rid of the business cycle all together but throw the baby away with the bath water.”

“So, if the business cycle bursts at the same time as elections are held, as it did in 2008,” Pasha concluded, “the populace swings to the socialists for correction and when they wake up seeing the bad results, they swing to the capitalists again.”

“Exactly,” Shamus said, nodding approvingly like a university professor.

“Has anyone any views on what happens now?” I asked.

“There’s no major change in government like in Britain or even Sweden and Holland,” Elmer said, “Obama is still president and his Czars in the White House are still penning socialist policies and regulations. The main change is that his ambitious spending programs will be arrested. We will see what happens in 2012.”

“Stopping spending is the first thing the new majority must do,” Shamus said. “Confidence will return and bring people back to work and the economy will pick up again. Taxes must be kept low for at least the next five years and Obamacare must be repealed, so that businesses can plan to make a profit for a reasonable return on their money and re-employ people.”

“Why could the socialists not do that too?” Huda said, puffing in her chair. “It sounds pretty logical to me.”

“For socialists, profit’s a bad word,” Elmer explained. “They say it’s steeling from the worker, forgetting that it’s the investor who’s risking his hard earned money. They want the government to produce what everyone needs at a given price and in accordance with their regulations, and pay employers and workers a fixed wage. They forget that human beings aren’t made that way. Only dictatorships can enforce such policies. That’s why they lose at the ballot box.”

“But the huge USA deficits still burden their economy,” I said. “It will keep the recovery down. The new majority will face criticism in 2012.”

“I bet Earth’s socialists are banking on that,” Tamil said, laughing. “If it goes better, the president can say, hey, folks, you see that we are doing better after all thanks to my policies?” and if it does not he can say “hey, you see who’s been messing up again? Didn’t I tell you about the failed Bush policies? Vote for me!”

“The economic laws don’t take sides, the average voter does not understand. They vote emotionally.” Shamus said. “Despite all the warning signs hanging around his neck, people just discarded all the negatives and voted for him, regardless.”

“The Pied Piper played on that handsomely in 2007,” Pasha said. “Remember the Obama girl? She’s nowhere to be found. They just had Halloween down there. I heard she was cultivating pumpkins in Michelle Obama’s vegetable garden. Others reported she returned as a witch at that teleprompter that reportedly broke down during a speech when he lost his cool.”

“Earth was ripe for an illusion in 2007,” Huda said. “The Pied Piper played all the right tunes. Hope and change. Nobody knew what that was, just an orgy. But he did, like his cronies of the sixties whom he appointed Czars. The Presidential seal that fell down to the floor for the whole universe to see was a bad omen and a good laugh for many.”

“Former President Reagan warned about these people at his speech in 1964 at the Republican Convention, as a young supporter of Goldwater,” Elmer said. “I looked it up. His words are as right today as they were then because the same sixties people who were acting up then are now Obama’s friends, mentors and Czars or close visitors to the White House. They finally got their chance in 2007. The result? A debt burden almost as large as the USA’s gross national product. No wonder people get scared. The whole Earth is looking down on the USA.”

“Obama is off to India this week for a state visit to forget the election debacle,” Tamil said. “A country of 1.3 billion people. You imagine? A nice tax-payer paid vacation at a cost of 2.5 million dollars a day. And that with a USA deficit that sticks way out of his ears in a country where per capita income is a little over 1000 dollars a year only.”

 “The Republican Party’s euphoria may be exhilarating,” Shamus said, “but if they don’t resolve the deficit problem and perform to the wishes of their multiplex supporters, they will lose again in 2012. What’s needed is at least six years of conservative statesmanship to put their fiscal house in order, bring the deficits down and balance the budget. It all depends on who’ll be minding the store.”

“The big issue is indeed who will be their leader,” Elmer said, seriously. “If they can’t find someone who can face up to the Pied Piper and talk him under the table, God forbid, the USA will be written off for good.”

“Well,” Shamus said,” let’s not be over pessimistic. Humans on Earth have screwed up time after time but overall progress has been impressive.”

“There’s always a silver lining to Earth’s tough luck,” Pasha said, smiling. “As long as they don’t do so well financially, they won’t come visit us and spoil our way of life.”

“That’s the last word, dear panel,” I said. “Our next Round Table will be joined with Earth’s TV show Where the World Turns to discuss the fall out of the USA mid-term elections and their impact on the rest of Mother Earth. See you then.”

 

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