Boy, what snow! I was invited for a TV interview on December 24 in Omaha but could not find a place to land Space Scooter One in Nebraska. Bob Falkland’s cornfields and his hangar where I normally park were fully snowed under. Elsewhere in Nebraska it wasn’t any better. On the way down it looked bad all over northern USA. Finally, I made a deal with Vanderbilt Air Force Base in Santa Barbara County, California, where they have a Space Port, and landed there on December 22. From there I hopped on a transport plane that happened to go to Offutt Air Force Base in Bellevue near Omaha, where at least the runways were open. Kathryn picked me up in her studio limousine. Exhausted I reached her comfortable Omaha residence where Pete and Sue had also gathered for the Christmas days. What a joyful reunion.
Well, the interview took place on December 24 all right. Kathryn had assembled her “How the World Turns” panel, Fred Garfinkel, Tony Blanket, Charles Hammerschmidt and Bob Foolsman, all dressed in festive red ties and green vests. Kathryn, very attractive with her auburn hair wore a slick silvery gown and chaired.
I was a bit apprehensive about their questioning as aliens are usually viewed with suspicion in the USA, but after all I had Earthy links through Kathryn and our beautifully mixed kiddos Pete and Sue, who were sitting in the audience, so I had at least a partial immunity to illegal immigration. Kathryn opened the interview, introducing me and her panel to the audience and viewers. We had a same-time connection with my Universe Broadcasting Studio in Mars City.
“Mars Man, it’s a real pleasure to have you with us to give us your alien views. First tell us of life on Mars, as most of our viewers know so little about it.”
“Thanks, Kathryn, for this question that I shall be glad to answer. Mars is smaller than Earth and is populated by far fewer people, maybe twenty million, who live mostly in what Earth calls the large “Valles Marineris”. Contrary to what you believe on Earth, we have ample water, which we obtain from subaltern sources. Our society is different from yours in that we all look similar and have no obvious gender difference. We look, as I once said, more like those VESIcare creatures you see in that bladder health advertisement on your TV. Our procreation happens through meeting of minds and not through the sex drive that Earth is infamous for. We are technologically very advanced and explore our universe to make contact with other planets in our common solar system and have a close economic and technological relationship with Jupiter.”
“I didn’t know Jupiter had life too. How do you compare?” Bob Foolsman asked.
“Jupiter has a different constellation and its people are small and slim because of its greater gravity and hydrogenic characteristics. Their laser based society, like ours, communicates through radiation which they taught us to translate into our own laser based communication system.”
“Why haven’t you sought more contact with Earth?” Charles Hammerschmidt asked.
“My fellow Martians have been on Earth many times, you know about those UFOs. Your military are keeping much of this secret because they perceive it as a security issue. The reason we are not exploring our relationship with Earth more actively is because Earth has many untreated diseases that could be dangerous for our society if transferred, and because of your ungrounded hostility for fear of an alien invasion. Martians are very peaceful and are not interested in invading Earth. To the contrary, your regular Rovers that you let loose on our soil tend to send unwanted signals to our community. Radio signals received from Earth also display a nature of wanting to transplant your society on ours, which we consider a threat.”
“How come you look and talk like us then?” Fred Garfinkel asked, looking sideward at Kathryn.
“I was planted on Earth with a special mission to study Earth’s knowledge of aerodynamics at MIT. For this I was given a habemus corpus injection that enables me to change my Martian body into your human body on Earth and back. It also brought with it your urge for sex in support of your need for procreation. As a result, I got attracted by Kathryn, who studied at Harvard, and we married. Our two kids, Pete and Sue, who are in the audience, have mixed bodies but cannot change back to my Martian assemblage. I understand, however, that they have problems at the TSA airport screening because they can’t see their bodies. This is because of their strong radiation they inherited from me. So, to their chagrin, they must always undergo that patting experience. ”
“Does that happen to you too?” Tony Blanket asked.
“The problem for me is that the change into the human body only completes in two days. While the outer part is almost immediate, the inner parts take longer. So, if I have to fly immediately on arrival, which I try to avoid if I can, they feel nothing when they grope me. Then they look at me, wondering where my parts are. They ask me to come to a special search room and lower my pants. When they see that my parts are still shaping up, they either faint or scream. So far they have let me go because they couldn’t find a bomb device.”
I heard laughter in the audience.
“Let’s turn to your views on some of our main topics on Earth,” Kathryn suggested. “For example, you travel much in the universe. We have this divisive debate on Earth about global warming, or should I say climate change. Can you see that we have a pollution problem when you come down?”
“As you said, the topic became climate change before it was called global warming, as it proved to be a misnomer. Climate changes are natural and originate from the universe and affect all planets, including Mars. Global warming alarmists ignore that Earth is not the only planet. Human energy consumption may create environmental issues that can be overcome by more efficient use, and they are through simple regulations and market competition, but environmental lobbies exaggerate the impact to suit their own agenda to control the economy much like the socialists do. But the universe is a huge self correcting cosmos much greater than environmental lobbies can imagine. All what they are screaming about must be taken with a grain of salt as their conclusions are built on faulty assumptions. To answer you second question, what I see from up there is pollution spewing out of the White House when your president Obama smokes. Since the new House Speaker Boehner is a smoker too, he and the President may find common ground more easily when they sneakily take a joint together in the loo.”
“So you think that global warming, sorry, the climate change issue is overblown?” Kathryn asked.
“Sure it is. All this cap and trade stuff is just another way of plucking people’s wallets. Your United Nations group is very smart at it, but it’s just another tax gimmick to transfer payments from rich to poor. Deforestation in poor countries has a much greater impact on droughts than C02 emissions in industrial countries.”
“What was in your view the most important event in 2010?”Fred Garfinkel asked.
“Undoubtedly the emergence of the Tea Party in the USA that stopped the left wing Obama administration in its tracks. This can only happen in a country like the USA. European countries do not have the critical mass to raise this type of national resurgence. But even they, and maybe because of the American example, are coming to their senses rejecting the devastating spend thrift of their statist regimes.”
“On the other hand,” Bob Foolsman said, “you must admit that Obama made a substantial comeback after our November elections.”
“I think that’s grossly overstated. He had to swallow the extensions of the Bush tax cuts that he had campaigned against. Remember father Bush and his “read my lips” slogan? This was much worse. The two other bills that counted most, your trillion dollar budget bills and that nightmare of a dream act failed miserably.”
“You are an alien,” Bob followed up, “and have children on Earth. Wouldn’t you feel more sympathy for those alien children born in the USA?”
“First, I enter with visas. Second, my kids were legally born here. Third, yes I feel sympathy with those kids who were, not their fault. However, it was just another political gimmick to circumvent your border problem. Had you regulated immigration much earlier, this issue would not have arisen. Frankly, your administrations have been totally inept in dealing with this for decades now, one side because they like Hispanic votes and the other side because they like cheap labor. It’s about time you come to a comprehensive solution that benefits America as a whole, but it will only have teeth when you settle the border problem first.”
“How do you handle such problems on Mars?” Fred Garfinkel asked.
“Our society is too small to have internal border problems. We live peacefully together and have one language. When spaceships enter our stratosphere unauthorized, they are radiated back into space and never come back. Should one land and is hostile, or unwilling to identify its origin, they are forced to leave or catapulted back into space. We have only regular exchanges with Jupiter. But to draw a comparison, we are much firmer on controlling immigration because it’s the only way to preserve our identity. ”
“What’s the next most important issue we are facing in the USA?” Tony Blanket asked, changing the subject.
“That your politicians interfere far too much with the self-regulating economic forces that redress themselves automatically over time. Statist regimes like your current one steal from the kitty by promising give-aways that aren’t paid for and because they want to be re-elected and gain the upper hand. In Euro-currency Europe, where this has been going on for far too long, they now have to pay the piper and are voting conservative to contain and repair the ills of the social welfare state. If you don’t kick the statists and their leaders out, you will end up in the same boat and your and my kids will bear the brunt of it, if they do not already.”
“The new conservative majority in the House will only have partial power to do so,” Charles Hammerschmidt said, “because our Senate is still in the socialist camp and together with the statist President will make all efforts to block that attempt. Do you really think the statists will lose?”
“It depends on how much the American people are educated on the subject and are willing to take a stand,” I reasoned. “Your main media are infiltrated with socialists or left-wingers and are responsible for much of the misinformation and misinterpretation that has influenced the electorate. The ordinary citizen does not have the time to sift through all the information, or read the bills before the politicians vote, and is more interested in your Lady Gaga or MTV’s Snooki anyway. Cleverly-written and spoken speeches by the incumbent President conceal much of the disastrous effects of these bills. If the conservative block does not educate the populace adequately, and if they do not have a strong charismatic leader to articulate its views, you are right, the statists may win again.”
“And if the economy improves, as it undoubtedly will in the course of the natural eighth year business cycle,” Tony said, “they can claim that their policies worked. And if they win, don’t be surprised if they continue their strife for total control.”
“Government is good for the people, “ Bob said, “exactly because the people are unable to deal with society’s complex problems. Those who seek state control are doing so with that good objective in mind, and the people benefit.”
“Unfortunately,” I noted, “that lofty ideal has proved wrong in all cases. Replacing private initiative with group control has yielded only misery and decline. Even China recognized this and restored to some extent the incentive to produce and make money. And Americans aren’t like that, read “We the people”.
“Those days are gone, Mars Man,” Bob said, smiling contemptuously. “We live in modern times now. Government has become the people.”
“Your Tea Party that includes people from both sides of the aisle doesn’t think that and has spoken differently,” I said. “Don’t underestimate the populace. There’s more to come.“
“Thanks Mars Man and panel for an interesting conversation,” Kathryn said. “Our time is up. We wish you well on your way back. Please come again.”
“Thank you all, it was a pleasure,” I ended.
PS: I had a lovely time with Kathryn and the kids at Christmas and New Year ’s Eve, lively conversations about the intriguing aspects of Earth’s cultures, civilization and its curiosity towards space. I traveled back on New Year’s day to California and mounted Space Scooter One back to Mars, this time filled with good government fuel so as to avoid another alien scare over California’s coast. Good-bye, and a happy New Year. Till next time from Mars.