Views from the Alien Mars Man

You won’t believe it, but I am on Facebook now. My profile picture shows me sitting on a horse on a high rock in Petra, Jordan. It was the only place where we could land on the way down from Mars via Moon. I found an Arabian horse wandering around and hopped on it to go down to the city, quite a steep descent and much harder to manage on a horse than going with my latest universe scooter from Mars to Earth. A shepherd caught me and took a picture. He had never seen a Mars man changing from his ET-costume into a human being. After some bargaining, he promised to e-mail the picture and to my surprise he did. Jordanians are nice people.

But down here in the USA, it goes from bad to worse. You guys are in deep doo-doo with this government. It’s the least transparent club I have ever seen. Behind the scenes, they work overtime to destroy your once vital systems. And then, suddenly, badoom-badoom! and they have concocted another multi-thousand page bill. You must give it to them: they are prolific law-writers. If I could just write novels like that.

 Again, I keep wondering where these people come from. They tell you that you are “un-American” if you don’t believe in them, but I have not seen such an un-American bunch like them before. They want to bring down your values and make it all look grey. Better to have everybody whine in misery than have some having fun and earning it and the others, too lazy to earn anything, whine because they can’t.

As a man from Mars, I do not understand their logic and your continued tolerance to put up with them. We are not as heavily populated as you are, but our differences are only a matter of degree and we would have thrown out bums like them a long time ago, if they had ever gotten in. That’s the point, we wouldn’t have let them in.

Their slogans are weird and have been full of contradiction and hypocrisy throughout history. The French Revolution started it with “Egalité, Fraternité et Liberté” (Equality, Brotherhood and Freedom). Sounds good, but the slogan is just one big contradiction. A misnomer. Was then, still is. Equality is a natural oxymoron. It can only be enforced by, yes, force. Brotherhood is full of strife, even in the best of families. That’s how you humans are. And freedom is wishful thinking, if that type of equality is the objective.

The USA became great because you let everybody be equal in their quest for freedom, happiness and economic good, not by forcing equality which stifles all initiative, inventivity and risk taking. Your current guys in the government are of a different kind. Their mantra is that nobody should be better off than the next poor unemployed smurfbrain who sits in front of the TV drinking  beer or has a government job. Keep everybody poor  and dumb so that they vote for this government because they are dependent on them. Heard that before? Well we did. Remember the USSR? Nazi Germany? None of that on Mars!

What am I going to do with my mixed kidzz that I am sharing with Mother Earth? Can’t send them to Europe either, as over there they are already down the drain. Take them to Mars? You imagine the culture shock? No French fries, cheeseburgers, pizzas or  Idol TV! Only ice-cold water (yes we have that in abundance, but you don’t know that – yet).

My ET friends and I are wondering how we could help you get rid of that bunch of miscreants. We have a nice resort on Mars, sort of a Reserve in a deep hole (yes, sorry, no French fries etc., but there are compensations: unobstructed view of Mother Earth). Impossible to get out of. Just offer them a tempting pack of (false) dollar bills and lure them into a few shuttles for a party and ship them off to Mars. NASA would know how to do that, and they would have a good reason, too. I’ll lead the way, just to save my kidzz. What a relief would that be.

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