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Mars Man TV: Babylon’s Ivory Towers

Mars Man

Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show is on. Mars City TV is connected with Omaha TV.

Mars Man chimes in: “Kathryn, our panel can’t follow Earth’s logic on many things and it’s getting worse.”

Kathryn: “Dear Mars, trust me, we can’t follow it too well either. Most people speak English on Mother Earth but it’s often hard to understand what they say. We have several serious issues here: First, Government people talk too much and do too little, and when they do something it goes bust. Second, everybody talks to themselves into those cell phones. Ten years ago, a person talking to himself on the street would be taken to an asylum for mental disorder, but nowadays all these  talkers walk free and nobody cares if they are mad and many are. Third, people only talk or listen to whom they like and don’t even try to understand what someone they don’t like has to say. That’s why we are in this total mess.”

Mars Man: “Isn’t that the essence of Earth’s biblical story on the tower of Babylon?”

Fred Garfinkel of Omaha TV: “I can explain that. The Babylonians spoke one language but to their detriment they used it to promote the single ideology of their master which was different from their Creator, whose mathematical genius had taught them that one plus one is two and not three. To reach the summit of their tower, the Babylonian master obliged them to disregard the math, and to buy the bricks with tons of gold coins borrowed from the Creator and with printed stimulus money, and then they went broke. So they couldn’t finish the tower and had to return to Earth. During their hasty descent, they tumbled through their debt ceiling and couldn’t pay the Creator back. As punishment He left them speechless. Poverty stricken, they had to learn how to talk again and every single group did that their own way, and that caused today’s Babylonian cackle.”

Elmer of Mars TV: “If Kathryn says that most people speak English now, how is it then that they don’t understand each other?”

Bob Foolsman of Omaha TV: “I can explain that much better than Fred’s Babylonian cackle. Democrats worldwide are the only ones who speak English properly. Conservatives, including foreigners, have that horrible Bostonian or British accent, and that’s where the problem lies. Nobody wants to talk to someone with a horrible accent, let alone listen to him. Fortunately, Democrat speak is the right speak. It’s pretty similar all over Mother Earth.”

Tamir of Mars TV: “But if you all talk in silos, how would you get anything done?”

Tony Blanket of Omaha TV: “I can explain that much better than Bob’s democrat cackle. The left don’t want to talk to anyone else to get it right because they think they know it all and that the rest is a bunch of mumbo-jumbos. We got into this mess because they deliberately misled the American people who gave the hopey-change bunch the majority in 2008. They are the only ones who are allowed to call the other kind nincompoops, idiots, terrorists, blackmailers, or racists, but that’s exactly what they are themselves. But Oh dare not call them that. Especially their media, who come after you like wasps if you ever use their venom terms against themselves. Now everyone is crying wolf. You get what you pay for.”

Shamus from Mars TV: “We’ve heard of sound economic advice to restructure Earth’s finances, but the left side apparently ignores it. Why? Would it not also be in their interest if things got better?”

Charles Hammerschmidt of Omaha TV: “It may surprise you, but the answer is “no”.  Good politics ignores good economics. The worse it gets, the better it is for them because the more control they can get. They demagogue the sound economic proposals as favoring the rich, spoonfeeding the corporate jet owners, and pushing old people down the cliff, all the usual class war stuff. That scares the average voters, who don’t know better and continue to see these socialist leaders as their saviors. Blinded, they will vote for them again till we all go down the cliff.”

Bob Foolsman: “Let me correct this outrageous Republican claptrap for our Mars audience. It’s the extreme right that wants to possess all the goodies and blocks progress for the small people and the middle class. The current administration’s policy is the way to go, you have to distribute the wealth that belongs to us all, not to a few. President Obama said it. That’s our current plight and we will succeed.”

Shamus: “But this conflicts with universal economic theory, it does not work that way, not on Mars either. If you take away the incentive for someone to risk his money and invest, no sensible person will and unemployment figures will be coming out of your ears.”

Fred: “They don’t care about economic theory. They pretend they do, but they don’t. A failing economy works in their favor, more regulations, more taxes, more union worker support, more spending to spread the wealth, more debt to enforce more taxes. It all leads to bigger government and dependence of the populace. The populace don’t want their benefits cut. Only others must take the cut. A vicious circle, but that’s how they win votes.”

Bob: “Obama won the largest vote ever because he offered a better future. Thanks to the previous disastrous economic policy of the conservatives, the whole card house came tumbling down. As Obama and his advisors said, you cannot overcome that in a couple of years. The American people and other nations in financial trouble have confidence that Obama’s great vision will ultimately prove right.”

Fred: “Who caused the housing bubble, Freddy Mac and Fanny May, those democrat prostitutes of sharing the wealth that were at the origin of today’s economic and financial collapse? You had the majority in Congress as of 2006, remember?”

Bob: “And who made that into a gigantic worldwide collapse by selling these subprime rate mortgage packages? Lehman Brothers, remember? Not exactly a socialist invention.”

Fred: “And who bailed out the failing banks and carmakers with taxpayer money that killed off the private sector and chased the jobs away? Was Obama, remember?”

Bob: “And who got us in two expensive wars without paying for it, was Bush, remember?”

Fred: “You know that the failed stimulus package cost more than the two wars combined? And Obama said the Afghan war was the right war, remember? And now he wants out just before the 2012 elections to satisfy his liberal base, even though all generals disagree. How convenient.”

Bob: “At least it will save billions of dollars now wasted on a corrupt regime installed by the Bush Administration. Believe me, the socialist doctrine is the right one, the capitalist doctrine leads to poverty and civil strife.”

Pasha from Mars TV: “Who is behind all this progressive thinking on Mother Earth? We see decline worldwide, except in China and that is a socialist communist country. Why is Chinese communism working better than the market economy?”

Tony: “Good question. China has adopted capitalist policies while keeping a suppressive regime in place to make sure that democratic upsurges are squashed the moment they appear. Looking at what’s happening in democratic regimes, they think that’s a wise decision. So far they have done extremely well, but it remains a communist police state with strong military control and no human rights. In the USA, our current government leaders would love to be in that same position and are striving towards that goal. What they can’t get through Congress, they do by presidential executive orders, over-regulating the economy and killing jobs in the process. Our hope is that they fail to renew their lease in 2012. And ultimately, China will pay the price as well.”

Charles: “To answer your question on who’s behind it, that’s a scary development realized by few and that is concealed by the corrupt Media. We have very wealthy and brilliant subversive forces among our people, and they are well-known and proud of it. George Soros, who cornered the British pound, is reportedly busy to profit from the American decline with his hedge fund and controls much of the left Media behind the scenes to achieve it. His people are called the “Shadow Government”. Books are written about them. Even the Chinese military call them “financial terrorists” because they destroy economies to profit from it financially. Malaysia accused George Soros of the same thing. The average man in the street does not know these things because the Media are in their hands and cover it up. That’s how they can fool them into believing they have the interests of the people at heart. That’s why they want to destroy news organizations like Fox that keep showing the other side of the coin.”

Huda from Mars TV: “Can a woman win the presidency in these circumstances?”

Kathryn: “Women on Mother Earth have made tremendous progress and many have top jobs. In several countries they lead Governments. But the American presidency is still considered a male business. So far, no presidential ticket with a female vice presidency has made it.”

Tony: “We have one woman, Michele Bachman, who makes a strong case, but like Sarah Palin, she is rather categorical and that doesn’t win general elections. Hillary Clinton lost because she ran a controversial campaign, but both she and Obama are of the same cloth, so it does not make any difference. Many of her crowd are in high government positions doing what she wants too: total government control. Bachman would be a good counterweight, but becoming president will be an uphill fight.”

Mars Man: “Kathryn, your team may enlighten us on the issue of raising the debt limit of the USA. It seems that whole Mother Earth is watching the discussions in Congress with anxiety.”

Kathryn: “If I have debts and cannot pay, my credit card is blocked and I have to pay higher interest rates. If I can’t pay my mortgage, they come to foreclose my house and throw me out. Somehow, governments think they can indebt themselves unpunished. If a CEO of a company did so, he would be fired. How come a President is not? Fred, Bob, can you elaborate on that?”

Fred: “Because firing a socialist President with a socialist majority in the Senate is politically impossible. Politicians don’t reason like shareholders who want to protect their money, they always use other people’s money. Voters vote their pocket book, they say, but are misled by that hopey-change garbage. The next elections will prove if the majority still believes in that.”

Tony: “Everybody knows the USA has a spending problem and that if we don’t get it under control now we are going Greek. But to say that the USA would default if they don’t raise the debt ceiling is nonsense. Tax revenues are coming in everyday by the millions, enough to pay the urgent bills. The default alarm is just an ingenuous democrat ploy to scare people into accepting more taxes.”

Bob: “There you go again, as your famous dunge Reagan used to say. Your side blocks any tax increase to pay for the draconian cuts in social safety nets you are demanding,  pointing a gun at our heads, and to pass the goodies to the wealthiest as usual, leaving the poor going for the crumbs. Obama is right to call you terrorists.”

Charles: “On Reagan being a dunge, the recent unveiling of his statue in London attracted thousands. Many who had to be turned away came back later to watch it. And where do you get your figures from, Mr. Dogood? The Congressional Budget Office, which you often quote as your oracle, reports that the richest 20 percent of the USA pay 86 percent of all federal income taxes. That’s more than under the Reagan administration, thanks to your socialist policies enforced on us. But under dunge Reagan the economy recovered and under brilliant Obama it tanked and doesn’t show any sign of improving, to the contrary, it’s getting worse. Now, forty percent pay no income taxes at all and even get credits for not paying a dime. US corporate tax is among the highest in the world and makes us uncompetitive. Isn’t that enough? Why do you guys always lie to make your points?”

Bob: “You call me a liar? That’s uncalled for before our Mars audience.”

Charles: “Correction, let’s call you a genuine speaker of untruths.”

Kathryn: “Gentlemen, please! Let’s change the subject. Mars Man, on to you, any more questions on Mother Earth’s Squirms?”

Mars Man: “Despite that everyone speaks English, no party on Mother Earth appears to listen to each other. They seem all locked up in their own ivory towers. Babylonian cackle indeed, which augurs for a dim future. Our time’s up here, but Pasha wants to say she’s glad that NASA’s plans to get to Mars have been shuttled.”

Kathryn: “Remember the sputnik and our great American voyage to the moon? Our next trip to space will cost Americans 50 million a pop on a Russian rocket, that’s the Obama vision. But there’s no money. So, don’t worry over there. Till next time.”

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Mars Man TV: Planet Earth’s Sex Craze

Mars Man

Anchor: “Dear viewers, Mars City and Omaha’s TV are both connected for their joint Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show, this time on Planet Earth’s sex scandals. The two panels are facing the red light (pun not intended) and yes, it’s blinking, boys you are on.”

Mars Man: “Morning Kathryn and team! Whole Mars is talking about Planet Earth’s sex craze. We with our brass-wired digital bodies here do not understand what the fuzz is all about.”

Kathryn: “Our information age has entered a new phase of taking sex pictures of yourself and wiring them over the internet to lusting friends and an eager constituency. It is particularly popular with male politicians who want to draw attention and attract more voters.”

Mars Man: “Our panel is eager to know why showing private human body parts incites people to vote for you.”

Kathryn: “Polls have shown that male politicians who can show the largest protruding parts can best penetrate the independent voters block, as those voters don’t know what they are voting for anyway. This puts female politicians at a distinct disadvantage. To stem this trend the Republican Congress is preparing the Penis Envy Information Act. It would among others prohibit male offenders from publicizing their lewd pictures at campaign stops and in voting boots.”

Pasha of Mars TV: “Why would female politicians be disadvantaged? Do females on Earth not display themselves in magazines and centerfolds? Can’t they do the same to voters on your Twitter?”

Kathryn: “It so happens that our female politicians would never make the cut for a magazine cover page or let alone a centerfold. The women who usually do, do not become politicians because they have better things to do.”

Pasha: “But Sarah Palin looks good, even in a swim suit, and she’s a politician…”

Bob Foolsman of Omaha TV: “Her problem is that she’s a dumb broad and doesn’t know any better. Democrats are protecting the American population from the imminent danger she poses for our society by hammering on that point.”

Fred Garfinkel of Omaha TV: “Sarah Palin has more sex appeal than any Democrat, including you, and says it straight in your face, that’s what bothers you, isn’t it? You’re afraid of her, that’s why you demagogue her. And what about those broads that fell in bed with your Democrat leaders, from Marilyn Monroe onwards with President Kennedy, to all those women that were exposed with Bill Clinton, willingly or unwillingly, they were clever broads, weren’t they?”

Huda of Mars TV: “Is Pelosi not an attractive female politician? Could she not show herself on Twitter?”

 

 

 

 

Kathryn: “Pelosi has passed the age of centerfolds at least three times, undergoing annual facelifts on taxpayer funded Medicare. Polls say her centerfold would turn off democrat and independent voters in droves. That’s why it is not surprising she’s rumored to support the Republican penis envy bill.”

Elmer of Mars TV: “We’re wondering here how it’s possible that your papers and TV have been occupied with this news for two weeks in a row. We don’t have that same type of excitement here.”

Fred: “There’s nothing more exciting for journalists and TV pundits than to write about someone else’s public sex scandal, in particular if it’s a Republican, while they are doing the same lascivious thing in obscurity behind their curtains.”

Bob: “Fred’s right, in particular if it’s a Republican. If they only show a torso, his male constituents say their wives and daughters feel deeply ashamed, can’t sleep, call for resignation and they dutifully resign. The male Democrats are smarter. They show their blown-up manhood, then cry about it in front of the cameras, and their female constituents beg for more.”

Tony Blanket of Omaha TV: “No wonder that Pelosi is jealous because she can’t draw the same publicity. If we just knew how much she’s been looking at the protruding pics. That’s probably the reason why she asked for an ethics committee investigation, to see more of it in gloss enlargements.”

Tamil of Mars TV: “But Planet Earth is in severe economic and financial trouble, the USA debts are way beyond the horizon, could reach Mars in stacked-up 1000 dollar bills, your regulators are dooming the economies with unsurpassed and unchecked energy, Europe’s Euro with the PIGS is as much in decay as the yankee dollar, and you are busy for two weeks writing about an extended human penis like you would describe a lengthy limousine on a grammy award?”

Huda adds: “And all that in family-TV time?”

Charles Hammerschmidt of Omaha TV: “Our kids have computers, Ipads and cell-phones, have sex from age eleven, and find all this pretty boring. They have seen it all before.”

Fred: “Well put. Those are exactly the democrat family values.”

Bob: “So what are yours? Schwarzenegger’s?”

Charles: “He had a democrat wife, so he got infected.”

Bob: “And what about your guy that was on the madam list? Isn’t he still in Congress?”

Fred: “An exception to the rule. God and the Pope forgave him, so his electorate did too. And it was in camera, not for everyone to see.”

Bob: “And according to your standards, God and the Pope won’t forgive Weiner?”

Charles: “He exposed himself in public while he accused a phony hacker. Even a homeless person goes to jail for that. Besides, he only believes in Big Government. We don’t. In God and small government we trust.”

Shamus of Mars TV: “We also heard of the President of the International Monetary Fund, Mr. Strauss-Khan. Is it true he was framed by the French Government in that sexual encounter in his New York hotel because he was a socialist contender? Planet Earth’s news was full of it for weeks. Your media really seems to have a fixation on sex.”

Bob: “I’m sure the guy was framed. A 62 year old fellow trying to get it up while struggling with a hotel maid? Are you kidding? Even a double prescription of Viagra won’t do that for you. “

Tony: “For a socialist it might. Besides, it was reported he’d wanted oral sex.”

Huda: “We on Mars are not familiar with this. What’s the difference?”

Tony: “Not much, to be diplomatic. It would still require an inducement of physical performance, which is highly unlikely in the event of a struggling, unwilling and perhaps biting maid. I’m sure the man will be acquitted, if Bill Clinton is any guidance, but it’ll be too late for the French presidential elections and the man had to resign from his plush job at the IMF. So it was a successful coup.”

Pasha: “What do you know of the hotel maid, how was she dressed?”

Fred: “She was from a West-African country, usually rather dark people but their women are often quite attractive with luring brown eyes. Wearing a contrasting white maid dress and a slightly open blouse showing dangling breasts could conceivably ignite the sex drive of any male just walking out of his shower.”

Pasha: “Our men don’t react that way because our procreative instincts are digital and would not ignite if there is no digital response from the female.”

Tony: “That’s the issue. The set up was, of course, that the maid should initially give signals of being open to consensual sex and the IMF man must have thought that he had struck gold, of which his institution has a lot, so he knew how much that was worth. Then, while the monitors were rolling, and he embraced her and got sexually ready, she pretended to struggle as if she was being assaulted. When he released her, surprised, she ran away to the corridor and he went after her to apologize, not knowing it was all a set-up. A typical he-said-she-said case that can be interpreted any way.”

Shamus of Mars TV: “Do your hotels not have strict regulations on how their maids should dress and behave to avoid male advances? After all, in your country everything seems to be regulated in minute detail.”

Charles: “In the USA, feminist movements are rebelling against having to dress just to avoid male advances. They organize slutwalks on Fifth Avenue and Broadway to show off that they have the right to dress the way they want. Other cities on Planet Earth hold similar marches. Hotel labor unions may have to respect those female demands.”

Mars Man: “You see, Kathryn, that the Mars audience has a vivid interest in this subject. We just don’t seem to understand this weird behavior of humans on Planet Earth.”

Kathryn: “Let me correct that slightly, Mars, it concerns mostly our males. However, females do not always realize that they are the weak sex and should avoid dangerous places or walking half naked on the street in the middle of the night.”

Fred: “Weak sex? What about that scorpion female that kills the male after he had his fling with her? Is she not the exact equal of that hotel maid?”

Pasha: “In our digital environment that could never happen. If there is no digital reaction on the female side, she wouldn’t be able to pretend it either, and as a result the male electrons wouldn’t ignite. The assault would simply not take place, unless there is criminal intent. Our communications system is fool-proof.”

Tony: “That’s a great idea for our Federal Communications Commission to regulate. It would dismantle the Weiner cyber attacks and limit his sexual frustrations to his bedroom.”

Kathryn: “But that’s the point, unless there is criminal intent. Assaults are generally attributed to anger and psychotic behavior, not because of sexual desire.”

Charles: “There’s no indication that the IMF fellow was a deranged individual. It’s highly unlikely this could be attributed to criminal intent. Sure, he was reportedly a womanizer, but in France that’s a plus to your political career. That’s why the French got so upset about the puritanical American press and justice system. They say and perhaps correctly, that Americans do everything behind the curtains what they reproach the French to do in the open. We are all hypocrites in their views.”

Huda: “Well, listening to this conversation, I am inclined to think your French humans are right.”

Tony: “You will get a lot of American feminists up in arms with that conclusion.”

Bob: “That’s bull. It’s a good reason why this Weiner guy shouldn’t resign. Clinton didn’t either and see where he is now. Most searched after bedfellow and political powerweight.”

Fred: “Bill Clinton knows how to play a likeable fellow. Feminists cue up to forgive him and fall into his arms, indeed their hypocrisy, but Weiner is a creep.”

Bob: “You say that because he whipped you Republicans handsomely every time you came up with one of your crooked proposals of capitalist supremacy. His constituency agrees, he shouldn’t resign.”

Fred: “There’s little I agree with you on, Bob, but this time I do, he shouldn’t. He may try to whip Republicans again, but they will use him as their whipping boy every time he opens his foul mouth and so they will degrade the Democrats to mere sex bullies and hypocrites when it comes to true American family values and capitalist supremacy. Don’t forget the USA is a center-right country and your socialist and liberal constituency has only 20 percent of the vote and with today’s debacles will even get less.”

Mars Man: “It appears, Kathryn, that politics and sex on Planet Earth remain strongly interlinked. We can’t figure that very well on Mars. I am sure we haven’t heard the last word about this.”

Kathryn: “Surely not. But it gives us something else to talk about here than depressing graphs on the declining economy, increasing unemployment, overregulation, big government versus private sector-led growth, and Al Gore’s miscalculations on climate change. You know, most people that they call independents don’t read papers or watch political TV and go about their lives watching football, soccer, and MTV, and don’t give a hoot about who the next President is and why, as long he’s got a nice smile. The only thing they want is some entertainment from their boring jobs if they have one, and the stressful lives they live.”

Mars Man: “That seems a wise conclusion to today’s session. We’ll keep that in mind for our next one. Our time is up. All the best to you and till soon.”

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Mars is Worrying about Planet Earth

 

Mars Man: “Good morning dear audience. After long universe travels and a variety of busy assignments, we’re back on the air with our Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show. First, let’s listen-in to my latest interview with Dr. Kisshanger in his bright New York apartment with views on the beautiful concrete jungle, slightly waving in the wind. As you remember, he opened the door to China under then President Nixon. He’s still going strong.

“What’s winning on Planet Earth, capitalism or socialism?” I asked.

“I would frame the question differently,“ the Doctor said, gravely, his voice cracking. “Who’s losing? Everyone’s losing. With today’s shaky leaders, peoples’ incomes dwindling with inflation, their lives being fundamentally changed, to use a favorite catch phrase of the current American President, democracy is only as good as its managers. Today it looks more like cheap demagoguery and mob rule. That’s not what the Founding Fathers of the USA envisioned. America’s leaders in power have definitely chosen the path of decline.”

“That’s a somber outlook. We on Mars still had some hope that Planet Earth would restore itself.”

“Not as long as the current crop of dismal leaders stays in power. The modern Marx/Lenin philosophy epitomized by China is totalitarian rule with a capitalist flavor. All over the world, they are falling in the same trap. Only ruthless totalitarian regimes can do what China does and that is not likely to change any time soon. The modern Marx/Lenin couple is also back in Russia. The old USSR fell with the Berlin Wall, but after a brief flirt with what we call democracy, the new leaders in diminished Russia quickly saw that was not for them. It’s a totalitarian state again, selling its oil and gas as the Middle-East cartel does, drawing Western Europe into its realm like a wale swallows little fish, and shooting dissident journalists in the open. Marxists/Leninists in the USA like Saul Alinsky swarm like woodworms through the White House and dictate the wisdom of the current administration, and there is no inspiring equivalent on the other side to tell them off.”

“So, what’s the poor citizen on Earth going to do?”

“Everyone’s looking for themselves. In the USA, the emerging protest and reform movement has only 30 percent popular support. It’s steady but not enough to topple the current leadership. This administration wants to stay in power by promising short term fixes attractive to the average populace that pays no income taxes anyway, and by demagoguing any needed long term reform that would diminish their power. The people who don’t pay income taxes in the USA, and that is 47%, don’t worry about reforms as long as they don’t have to pay for them. They don’t care for taxing what this administration calls “the rich”. Only continued high unemployment, inflation and financial distress could create an opportunity for conservatives to achieve regime change, but it’s unlikely. The citizenry will vote for the charming fiddler and go from bad to worse, the typical socialist dream, before they reach the boiling point and when that happens they will blame the haves, and not their leaders, who will feel encouraged to further expand their big government thrash. In Europe, most nations have already resigned to the nanny state syndrome. The protected people hate to pay for relieving someone else’s misery as long as they are getting all the money, till everyone’s down the drain and loses its shirt, but then it’s too late. Look at Greece.”

“Any views on the American contenders for the presidency of 2012?”

“Too early to call. It’s Snow White, meaning Obama, and the seven dwarfs, with Senator Schumer playing the witch. Nobody conservative measures up. Hope for a dark horse. Trump dropped out, the rest is a sham, maybe that Godfather Pizza could run away with the price. The Democrats have the majority leftist media on their side, their voters are the majority non-taxpaying profiteers, a formidable force to overcome. As I said, only if they lose their shirt could the landscape change.”

“What about the young people in the Middle East?”

“They call it the Arab Spring, a nice metaphor, but as you know, springs have cold and stormy weather. The best-organized groups will get their hand on society and impose their new philosophy, which may not have any resemblance with what the youngsters rebelled for. It took sixty years, several wars, and many deaths after the dust from the French Revolution finally settled, some 100 hundred years and a bloody civil war before the USA became the USA, and 80 years of tyranny before the Marxist revolution began to collapse. What may seem the Arab Spring will be the Arab Storm for some time to come. Since the Arab states will be unable to settle their internal disagreements, with the exception perhaps of Tunisia, their leaders will seek to blame their disarray on the existence of Israel. The pronouncements of the current USA administration are regrettably at best ambivalent about this, seemingly forgetting all earlier attempts to forge a just and lasting peace.”

“What about China, will it replace the USA as the world’s superpower?”

“It has already done that, but they don’t expose themselves the way the USA does. The Chinese are everywhere, Africa, Latin America, Europe, continuously expanding their footprints, without bragging about it, just blocking whatever critical measure the USA submits to the Security Council to maintain the western world order. President Obama makes pointless speeches and fights expensive wars, like President Bush did, and sells bonds to China to get money for it, but they are indebting the USA to the extent that its power will soon be completely hollowed out like termites clean out the interior of your house before you know it, and China keeps laughing.”

“Would China not need America as much as America needs China?”

“Some people say that, but the answer is no. China stays smartly out of the fray spending its money on its military expansion, will rule America on its own terms and strike when the Western house of carts comes down, leaving the West to scramble for its favors.”

“Would China be interested in Mars?”

“Not more than I am interested in Chinese food. You’ll be OK.”

“We hear talks on Planet Earth about launching a transorbital railroad that would send expeditions to settle Mars. Why do they focus on us?”

“Mars has been a focus of Planet Earth as long as you have been visible in the firmament. Call it a romanticism of long distance enchantment.”

“But why settlements? Humans from Planet Earth can’t live on Mars unless they master the physical change of cosmos, like I do, and even I have continuous problems with the TSA screeners. I have been thinking about putting a mousetrap in my underpants but it could be an inconvenience if it went off too early.”

“Since you don’t function the way we do, try a baby alligator and they’ll stop harassing you.”

“Thanks, Doctor Kisshanger, with this invaluable advice we shall have to part. Till next time.”

On my way out I decided to take a cab to Times Square and have a beer in my favorite bar. Was I surprised to see Lu Kung Si entering the bar a few minutes later. He was dressed as impeccably as last time when we met and he told me he was acquiring the Empire State Building. We shook hands and took a beer.

“You finished the deal?” I asked Lu.

“Yes we did. We’re refurbishing. Ultra modern. We’ll close all Washington Government offices when we are ready, send the bureaucrats to hard labor camps in Virginia plantations to teach them what working really means, and move our people in here. New York is a better place than dull Washington D.C.”

“My Washingtonian friends will like that, finally no traffic jams anymore and a seat on the tube.”

“Tube?”

“Well, subway then.”

“Doesn’t that stand for that oversized sandwich here?”

“OK, let’s call it the metro then. How about your money changer, how do I change dollars now?”  

“Simple, just use the same coins or banknotes. We’re only changing the name to yuankee dollar, sounds close enough. Americans will like it because it’s still called a dollar, so they won’t feel they’ve lost anything, but in reality it is a yuan. And you know about the Yuankees, those basket ball players. The only thing that changes is we put a “u” after the “Y”.

“So not much change then? Americans will be happy, got rid of Obama, Obamacare and Pelosi and Reid.”

“Obama will be sent to a labor camp with the bureaucrats and no teleprompter. That will shut him up. Reid will be sent to Macao and be forced to gamble away the fortune he stole from his Nevada electorate. Pelosi will be required to dress in a bikini without further facelifts and serve Martinis to Republicans at the Navy Club for the rest of her life. Chinese sailors will enjoy that. They like wrinkled women.”

“I am told you are not interested in Mars.”

“I know why you’re asking that question because I checked you out after our last conversation. You didn’t come up in the database. When you got back to Earth recently we wondered what that blip on the radar screen was. I was pretty amazed when it was your face that came out of that space capsule in Arizona. No, we aren’t interested yet in Mars and maybe never. Don’t mistake me, we can get there if we want to. Perhaps for labor camps, but not for settling.”

“What will happen with the White House?”

“Our Chairman will use it as a summerhouse, but he will otherwise stay in China. Don’t forget, the USA will only be a province, nothing particular.”

“What with Russia, Middle East?”

“Russia and the Middle East will supply oil and gas to China and get yuan. If they don’t want to at our price, we won’t buy it. We’ll have oil enough from north-America where we will drill, baby, drill. Kartel gone and down the tube. As to Islamist radicals, we have our labor camps without virgins. They will quickly burn out and do suicide bombs on themselves. Good riddance. Religions may practice indoors but religious politics will not be tolerated and religious strife even less. No Imam regimes and twelfth Mahdi schemes. All out the door. Strictly secular. Anyone trying to put on a tantrum will go straight to Guantanamo, the best thing President Bush ever invented.”

“Bet some people will like that. What about crime?”

“There will always be crime. Again, our labor camps have proved effective. No TV, luxurious food and air-conditioned cells. We won’t spend tax money on that. Criminals and other idiots will find out and give up fast.”

“Are you going to occupy the whole world then?”

“It’s not an occupation, simply an overwhelming presence. China has billions of people to spread over the world. Wherever we undertake a project, we use Chinese labor, whether it’s Africa, the Middle-East, Asia or Latin- America. Haven’t you noticed?”

“But if people protest and don’t want you in?”

“We have learned from Tiananmen Square. We won’t suppress uprisings in our vassal countries. If they want to destroy their own furniture and put fire to themselves, let them go ahead. We won’t repair it. The only place where it will not be tolerated is China. Elsewhere, any press or TV station that will subvert our hegemony will be closed or forced to publish an apology to our Chairman, but we won’t punish people. They’ll give up when they see it’s useless.”

“But you will end freedom that way and kill the human incentive to grow and do better.”

“The Chinese example has proved that an oxymoron. Freedom and democracy are inflated ideas. Look where we are now, look where we were just 50 years ago. A structured society like ours is not prone to upheavals, it’s the solution to Earth’s problems. People on Earth will be thankful for that. You on Mars will be too, as we have no intention to bother you. Enough to do here.”

“Well, Lu, an interesting conversation. I’ll look you up in the Empire State Building next time. Aren’t you going to rename it?”

“The Mao Motel.”

 I said farewell to Lu. Next time when I visit, I’ll find out who he really is.

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MARS MAN’S TV ON PLANET EARTH’S FOLLIES

Mars Man: “Good morning dear audience. We’re back on the air with the Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms show and our full team is present to discuss the latest on Planet Earth as we see it from Mars. Kathryn O’Sullivan and her panel of Omaha TV on Planet Earth is connected and will participate.”

“Well, you keep busy over there, Kathryn. The Middle East in turmoil, the USA in uproar, Old Europe’s multiculturalism is dead, Japan’s disastrous earthquake of nuclear proportions, while we on Mars can only complain about those nasty sunspots with resulting sandstorms, but otherwise all is quiet over here. All compared, living on Mars is good. Let’s start with Planet Earth’s Middle East. Kathryn, you chime in when you want. Elmer, your take.”

Elmer: “You may call it the belated birth of the Middle East’s Renaissance. The European Renaissance started in Earth’s fourteenth century. Islam began in the seventh century, seven centuries after Christ. Planet Earth is now in its twenty first century, some seven centuries after its European Renaisssance. So, if you do the math, the Middle East is sort of right on target. They do everything seven hundred years later. Just a matter of intellectual evolution.”

Mars Man: “Tamil?”

“Don’t forget that besides art and science, Europe’s Renaissance also began its religious wars, witch hunts and inquisition, and led to Protestantism and the cruel French Revolution. It began at the same time as the Muslim Ottoman Empire conquered Constantinople. This backward looking regime stuck to the religion’s origins of the seventh century and that’s why the Middle East stayed behind. Europe catapulted to prosperity and got democracy in the end. The Middle Eastern youth, mostly unemployed and suppressed, and seeing on the Internet and Facebook what they missed, finally took to the streets. It took a few centuries to happen.”

Huda: “I even saw women in scarves, black robes and burkas protesting. I can’t imagine wearing such clothes in modern times.”

Pasha: “Yves Givenchy in Europe and Calvin Klein in the USA are dressing their models with see-through robes and burkas and they look surprisingly sexy. Men imagine what they don’t see and that makes them hungry and women adventurous. We are witnessing a sea-change in Earth’s fashion.”

Pasha: “This must be great news for the Mullahs and Imams. All western women will turn Islamic and with them their men will too. That’s winning a religious war without firing a shot.”

Shamus: “Nothing good has ever come from revolutions, except the USA’s Declaration of Independence, though that turned into their Civil War, and I bet your money that those Brotherhood snooks will hijack the rebels’ uprising and pull those countries back to the Middle Ages again followed by more religious wars, suppression and economic decline. See-through burkas won’t be of much help.”

Mars Man: “Kathryn, any comments on this?”

Kathryn: “See-through veils are back in fashion here. It’s definitely coming. Fred Garfinkel, you want to comment?”

Fred: “I still remember Elisabeth Taylor as Cleopatra gazing at me through her veil when I was a young boy. She got me very excited. But burkas would be a problem for the traffic police. What if the wearer does not see his signs and she walks into a lamp post? Who pays the hospital bill?”

Bob Foolsman: “This is exactly why Obamacare is so important. An uninsured Islamic immigrant would get immediate treatment at a first rate hospital and wouldn’t have to linger dying in a crowded emergency room.”

Charles Hammerschmidt: “Come on, Bob, if that’s the case, wearing a burka should be a traffic violation subject to a hefty fine. Get modern.”

Kathryn: “You heard some of our heated views on the subject, Mars. Back to you.”

Mars Man: “What about the rough and tumble USA? Shamus, you’re the economist.”

Shamus: “As I see it, one side wants budgetary spending, the other side wants budgetary sanity and nobody wants austerity, even though the USA is broke. They must even borrow to pay the interest on their debt. With spend-thrift socialists in the White House and the Senate majority, the budgetary hawks in the House of Representatives will have a hard time keeping those spenders under control. No wonder Big Spender Obama wants to stay out of the fray and make one platitude after another trying to look as if he is deeply involved which he is obviously not.”

Mars Man: “Who’s going to win this battle? For any normal person, the path they’re on is unsustainable.”

Shamus: “Economics is not relevant, if it has ever been in politics, that’s the silliness of it. Earth’s socialists want big government to keep everyone dependent on them, regardless of declining economic prosperity. Anyone with a reasonable mind knows you can’t spend more than you earn, and borrow beyond the interest you can pay. You and I and most sensible people know that. Not the socialists, despite what’s happened to Europe. You can’t teach them. They want central planning and your dependence, like Marx, Lenin and Mao, just to stay in power.”

Elmer: “So true. Look at Europe’s PIGS countries. Look at Europe’s inability to start and maintain a no-fly zone over that rebellious Libya because they neglected their defenses. Only the USA can do that and to do it they have to borrow from China that voted against that war because they want Libya’s oil. What a bunch.”

Pasha: “If I were in their shoes, I would’ve liked them to shut down the government and get some free leave to beautify my yard and get a new hairdo.”

Tamil: “The same hairdo as billionaire Donald Trump?”

Pasha: “You’ll see it’ll become fashion. I think he would be a great president. The last thing they need there is to keep a socialist politician on the throne, who didn’t even write his best-selling books himself and lacks a birth certificate. All show and no doing.”

Huda: “Agree. Trump calls a spade a spade, wouldn’t take fools lightly and say “you’re fired”. Do away with those spend-thrift politicians that only look two years ahead using other people’s money to get reelected. And Earth’s women adore him, look how many he married. Even Whoopee Goldberg didn’t walk out on him during The View show. I wouldn’t mind having a boat ride with him myself.”

Tamil: “To answer your question, Mars Man, the battle can only be won by a Republican majority and Donald Trump in the White House. He knows his business. That means after the 2012 elections. I usually don’t like absolute majorities but in this lethal debt crisis it’s their only way to get out of trouble. It will depend on what they call their independent swing voters. If they choose Obama again, voters will have elected their own downfall. China will take over. You said the other day they were buying the Empire State building already to move part of their government to the USA.”

Mars Man: “The USA’s situation looks dim. Today’s generation, in particular their politicians, does not care about what’s happening after they’re gone and keeps kicking the can down the road. Pure irresponsible egoism. After us the tsunami. Those poor kids and grand kids. Kathryn, surely your panel wants to come in?

Bob Foolsman: “Your team has it completely wrong. America needs this debt so that it can raise taxes on the rich. This is why we have this problem. Bush tax cuts for the rich and fighting two unnecessary wars got us in trouble and caused the financial crisis.”

Charles Hammerschmidt: “What nonsense, Bob. How dare you misleading our friends on Mars? It was your irresponsible fiscal policy and housing finance debacle that caused the financial crisis. And do you think Libya is Obama’s necessary war?”

Bob: “the UN ordered it….

Fred Garfinkel: “We have some 310 million people in the USA. How many of them are what you call rich, Bob? And when do you call someone “rich” or “wealthy”? A millionaire?

Bob:”Anyone who earns more than 250 thousand dollars per household, as Obama said.”

Tony: “You call earning 250 K rich? Are you kidding? And how many millionaires do we have anyway? One percent? That would only be 3 million. You want them to pay all the taxes in the USA? You see how ridiculous your people are? Full of slogans and empty rethoric for the evening news. How long do you think the American public is going to swallow that crap?”

Mars Man: “We get the message, Kathryn, no agreement in the USA. Lucky your shut down was avoided, but next time you may not be so lucky. Let’s turn to Europe, Elmer, what about their multiculturalism?”

Elmer: “They deserve what they got. No wonder it didn’t work. I said many years ago on this show that Earth’s Islamic cultures do not assimilate because of their strong and different social framework that enforces outdated customs. Nationals don’t let them in their homes because they insist on being different, and when they then find they are left out in the cold, they turn violent and want their guest countries to turn Islamic. Out of fear for reprisals, Europeans have continued to accommodate them with political correctness, till finally their patience broke with fanatic murders on the street and car burnings in their cities. Now Islamic immigrants want to overtake their governments. It’s insane.”

Tamil: Since we are a very homogeneous society, we probably don’t fully understand this predicament. It’s strange to see Europe’s Christian churches empty while mosques are full, with Imams preaching radical sermons and inciting their youth to violence against Christendom and Western society.”

Elmer: “As said before, Islam is seven centuries behind, so give and take a few centuries and their mosques will be empty as well. By that time Christians may be fanatic again.”

Bob Foolsman’s voice cracked in the microphone. “You don’t want to get into a situation where people who lived in your country for years are suddenly thrown out, including their kids, just because they are Islamic or Hispanic and have no legal identity card.”

Tony Blanket: “No problem if they came in legally, but if they sneaked in over the border, either with kids or got the kids once in the USA, they have to take the consequences. Too bad. You have to draw the line somewhere. We can’t pay for all the free services they claim.”

Bob: “But what if a kid has lived here all his life and is westernized and fears he or she’ll be persecuted and tortured when back home? Who’s to blame?”

Fred: “There’re thousands of kids like that in the USA and I admit it’s a problem. Europe has that problem too. Previous administrations are to blame because they didn’t take immediate action on border control. Mostly to blame are the Democrats because they want their illegal votes to beat the Republicans and what we get is more drugs and more crime. You must draw the line otherwise it becomes an untenable situation with more and more illegal immigrants doing the same.”

Bob: “Even on humanitarian grounds? Send a westernized girl back to the Taliban to dress in a burka and stay holed up the whole day in a hut being raped by these bullying men?”

Kathryn: “I don’t think Fred wants to do that either. We should treat those cases as refugees. Mars, you see we have some insoluble problems here on Planet Earth. Back to you.”

Mars Man: “Thanks Kathryn and panel. We’re running out of time here. See you at the next round of America’s budget fight. Good bye.”

“Well, dear viewers, aren’t we lucky we live on Mars?”

Pasha: “But Planet Earth has all this diversity, we’re all the same.”

Huda: “Diversity is nice if you can keep it apart. It becomes messy when you let it melt into your society. That’s what’s happening on Planet Earth and it’s getting worse. I prefer homogeneous Mars.”

Mars Man: ”That’s great, Huda, we drink to that. That’s all the time we have, dear viewers, see you next time.”

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Mars Man’s Chance Encounters on Planet Earth

 Mars Man was absent from TV because of universe assignments and family events but had a few interesting interviews with some brilliant people on Planet Earth.

The first one was a well-known environmentalist. Mars Man met him at the gasoline pump filling up his three dimensional SUV. He was smiling broadly.

“Hi,” I said, “Aren’t you Mr. Reid? “

“Yes, how do you know!” he said, relishing in his fame.

“Your face is all over the papers, inescapable. Why are you looking so happy?”

“I’m paying five dollars per gallon for my gas. We made it! Shows our policies work. Obama is great!”

“You know that everything else that uses oil, chemicals, fertilizer, tractors cutting grain, plastics, you name it will be more expensive too? What about the little guys Obama is so fond of? How are they going to work and buy their groceries?”

“Public transport, don’t you know? High speed rail, all that’s in his budget.”

“What about industries that must pay higher fuel prices; they won’t have money to hire more people, crushing your economic recovery.”

“Obama has roads to build, bridges to repair, kids to educate, he’ll hire them, all in the budget.”

“Who’s going to pay for all that?”

“You, of course, your patriotic duty.”

“You got the money for all that gas?”

The price tag showed seventy five dollars. The Shell voice was saying “thank  you, please come again”.

“My stellar salary is paid by Obama, my stellar pension is paid by Obama, my stellar healthcare is paid by Obama, Obama is great.”

“Does he pay that himself?”

“No of course not, bum, it’s you. You pay for the government. Your patriotic duty. I work for the government, my patriotic duty. Yes we can! Excuse me, my tank’s full, good day.”

* * *

Turning the corner on a New York street, I bumped into a man with a bushy black beard, a multi-colored woolen cap on his head and dressed in a long wobbly white robe. From what I observed, this was clearly a man wanting to publicly express his Islamic culture.

“Sorry,” I said, “didn’t see you coming.”

“Salam aleikum, Allahu Akbar,” he said.

“What’s that?” I asked in plain American.

“Allah is great!”

“I thought Obama was great.”

“Obama is our brother, he bows to Islam.”

“Does he? I thought he said he was Christian.”

“That’s for politics only, my friend, to fool the infidels. Have you ever seen him going to your church? Soon our Islamic flag will fly on top of the White House. We’ve already offered him the pole . We’re working on the flag.”

“Why do you think Americans would like that?”

“Americans would love our fashion, especially women. We have beautiful burkas and stylish black robes. They’ll love to be hulled in mystery. Besides, they are great against the cold. Wouldn’t you be excited at night to take all that stuff off and discover her beauty that only you can see? Just wait!”

“What else enticing do you have to offer?”

“Our sharia law. It’s wonderful, just how the prophet Mohammed lived. May peace be upon him.”

“But Americans have their bible, just how their prophet Jesus lived.”

“Mohammed is the last prophet, all before’s superseded.”

“But your law dictates stoning for adultery, cutting off hands for thievery, beheading of infidels, don’t you think that’s overdoing it a bit?”

“Wouldn’t you think that would be a good clean-up of all the mess your liberal society has created? Just look at your dismal TV.”

“Oh well, I remember your friends from a Middle Eastern country I won’t name rented the top floor of the hotel where I stayed and had ladies of pleasure bussed in for the night.”

“That’s allowed because they were abroad.”

“So the Koran only applies to the national soil? Our bible’s ten commandments apply world-wide.”

“We want to broaden that national soil to the whole world, so that won’t happen anywhere. The international caliphate. That’s the purpose of our Middle East revolution, don’t be fooled. Back to the future.”

“It sounds more like back to the past.”

“You don’t understand. Cordoba is the way to go. It was the jewel of the world in the tenth century before the infidels destroyed it. It had a library with a million books, three thousand mosques, and three hundred public baths. It will be restored. America was not even on the map then. Even the Chinese will find out.”

“They’ll want to sell you their plumbing ware and try to buy you out. You’ll have your work cut out for you.”

“Allah is with us, sir. Yes we can! Salam.” And he dissapeared into the crowd.

* * *

I sat in a barbershop in Washington D.C., the most democratic city in the USA. They don’t even need voting rights in Congress. But they display the largest number of crack potholes and are proud of it.

“What do you think of Wisconsin?” my barber asked.

“You mean those riots in their State building?”

“Yes, of course, do you think that could happen here?”

“Just wait till they shut down the Government, and those pimps will be all over the floor,” I opined.

“I employ six people here, pay their health care, pay into their 401 K, and more, have to pay rent and utilities, and those public sector nitwits want us to pay even more for their f…. benefits. Crazy.”

“That’s our rights, we fought for them,” said a black bearded client sitting on my right, overhearing our conversation.

“You mean you paid for those guys you elected, and then those guys voted for all your benefits in return,” my barber said, a bit too loud, swaying his scissors in front of me giving me the jitters. “And the poor taxpayer pays.”

“The majority counts,” the client retorted.

“Hah! And when the other majority counts, you walk out. Bull…,” my barber said, bristling, resuming his job on my skull.

“You’re nothing but a bunch of rotten socialists,” the client on my left butted in. “You don’t give a damn if a State’s broke and goes belly up. You think Obama will pay anyway, with my money.”

“Yes, that’s what he said during his campaign. He’ll walk with us, not with you.”

“So what about America? Don’t you care if they go broke?” my barber asked, shaking his scissors wildly towards the Capitol.

“We’re international,” the client now identified as the socialist said. “We have brothers all over the world, Russia, Middle-East, France, you name it. We don’t need America. We don’t need countries. Workers unite the world over. We’ll create a new world order soon.”

“Of workers?” scoffed my barber. “What you work for? You teaching? My kids don’t learn anything at my public school except selling drugs. My wife does their homework and they don’t even say thanks.”

“Silly class war fare,” the fellow on my left said. “You guys don’t know you get suckered by your own bosses? You pay them your union dues and they live in palaces with hookers sliding in on the conveyor band.”

“I work for the Energy Department,” the socialist said haughtily, answering my barber. “You better respect that.”

“You must be kidding,” the barber exploded, “with 5 dollars a gallon of Middle East gas, while we have billions of barrels under the ground in the USA that your type don’t want to give permits for? Respect? Go fishing…”

“Soon we’ll have wind farms all over, even off-shore. We won’t need that stinky oil anymore.”

“Off-shore?” the fellow on my left said, laughing. “So what’s the difference between off-shore oil rigs that you are opposing, and those bulky wind farms that aren’t producing a quarter as much? Looks any better?”

“At least they don’t leak, killing the fish and spoiling my beach.”

“Wind farms kill your precious birds.”

“Thanks,” I said to the barber, “better get out of here before they start fighting with me in the middle…”

* * *

I was having a beer in a bar off Time Square when a Chinese looking man in a dark business suit climbed on a stool on my right. He ordered a beer too.

“You from China?” I asked, looking for company.

His eyes narrowed and stared at me coolly.

“You profiling me?”

“Well, you don’t quite look like a Norwegian blonde.”

“You racist, eh?” and he took a sip of his beer. “Let me tell you something. I’m here on a business trip to buy the Empire State Building.”

He spoke surprisingly good English.

“No kidding! What are you going to do with it? A lot of cleaning to do…”

“We’ll move part of our Government here. America will soon be a Chinese province. We’ve already a few Chinese towns here, as you well know. China Towns.”

“What will happen to Washington then?”

“We’ll just close the White House because they haven’t been paying their rent. People in Congress will get a choice to work for us or stay broke.”

“You mean war? Bring in an Armada all the way from China?”

“No, no fighting necessary. Our President will come here on State visit and present Obama the bill. Obama will say “I don’t have the money to pay you back unless I can borrow it from you.” Then we’ll foreclose on the White House and send Obama packing. Most Americans don’t think much of him anyway.”

“You think the American army will let that happen?”

“They’ll be glad to be under our command. Free Chinese food. They love that. And we’ve had so many comforting exchanges with them in Beijing. We’ve discussed this already. Not to worry.”

“But how can you carry that out?”

“Americans will do it for us. Close your banks, throw out your dollar and change it to the Yuan, take the gold of Fort Knox to compensate for our losses on your Treasuries. Our American collaborators will want to preserve whatever cash they can keep.”

“But Americans will be poor and can’t buy Chinese goods.”

“We don’t need the American market anymore to make money. Our own market of 2 billion people is large enough and has good per capita income now. Americans will work for us.”

“My goodness, that’s quite a change. What about their free speech?”

“We’ll curtail that. Besides, you must admit, it was getting a bit out of control anyway, don’t you think?”

“No more marches on the Mall in D.C. or on the Capitol?”

“Only in honor of our President. We’ll turn the Capitol into a Wax Museum. Actually, the current Congress could just as well stay there and be waxed for life. Wouldn’t make any difference.”

“What with the Tea Party?”

“Chinese tea will take care of them.”

“What about the American language?”

“Pigeon English would be just fine as a local dialect. Most Americans don’t speak or write any better. For those seeking careers, Mandarin Chinese is compulsory. That starts at kindergarten.”

The man from China took a second beer, so did I.

“What about their Founding Fathers?” I asked.

“Your democratic leaders tell me they never existed; it’s a fable pushed by your extreme right. Confucius will be good enough. He was there a lot earlier, even before Methusalem, and that’s old. There’s enough confusion already.”

“But Americans are a religious people; they want to keep their churches.”

“Marx said religion is opium for the people. Opium is bad. So religion is bad. Many Americans such as the ACLU agree. We don’t encourage it in China, so we won’t encourage it here. Churches will be used to preach the greatness of modern times China. ”

“The Muslims will be happy to see the infidels dismantled. But what are you going to do with them?”

“We’ll ship them back to Saudi Arabia with willing virgins, for free, using your luxury cruise ships. We bought up all their oil with gold and have good relationships. No use trying to modernize them, they’re locked up in the past. Just as well.”

“When’s all this going to start?”

“It’s already started. China owns Walmart, if you don’t know. Your main financiers own Chinese stocks and are speculating against the dollar. They know more than you do. Your National Security Advisor thinks we are your biggest nuclear threat. No worry. Tomorrow we’ll walk into the White House with a box containing a reset button. Your Hillary tried that with Russia, but ours works. If Obama doubts, we’ll tell him we’ll just hit the red button and he’ll cave. If anything, he’s good at caving. I must go know, must pack the box. You want to have the rest of my beer?”

“No, thanks…..”

I got up too. Better phone Kathryn, Pete and Sue and get the hell out of here back to Mars.

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