Mars City TV is suddenly in uproar. Mars Man and his team are watching Mother Earth’s TV signals in astonishment. General Petraeus states on Omaha TV that the US Military have taken over the White House!
Dear Americans: After long deliberations and following increasingly aggravating presidential decision-making, gravely damaging the safety and well-being of the United States of America and its citizens, and after conferring with the US Founding Fathers in Heaven, the Military have found it necessary to depose President Obama and relieve him from his functions, first of all Commander in Chief. The President is currently under house arrest in Hawai and is only allowed to play golf. Air Force One has been repatriated by the Air Force.
To restore the foundation of the United States, the following are the main decisions taken:
- General Petraeus will head a temporary government to maintain critical services. This temporary government will stay in place until an interim president is appointed. This interim president will stay in office until the elections of 2016.
- On national policy, the Secretaries of the State Department, Defense, Justice, Homeland Security, Treasury, Interior, Energy and the EPA have been relieved of their functions. They will be replaced by senior military officers. Only critical personnel will remain in office. General Petraeus will be in charge of Defense and run the temporary government from there. The White House will be closed.
- FBI, The Secret Service and the CIA have aligned themselves with the Military Government and will continue their functions. So will the police.
- Curfew will be in place from Christmas Eve through January 2 from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.
- Protest marches will not be tolerated. Military personnel and police will be patrolling the streets to keep order. Every person disrespecting the order will be arrested and imprisoned for an indefinite time, and be fed only water and bread.
- The mayor of New York and Mr. Al Sharpton have been arrested for disturbing the national order and are placed under house arrest indefinitely. Sharpton will also be forced to pay all his taxes due. Mr. Jesse Jackson has been advised not to show up instead.
- Rudy Giuliani has agreed to replace De Blasio until a new mayor is elected in the future.
- Congress is requested to stay home for the time being as they are not doing anything useful anyway. The Capitol has been put under military control.
- Corporate taxes have been halved. Foreign assets may be repatriated without penalty if reinvested in the United States.
- Obamacare has been put in abeyance pending a critical review of its dysfunctional elements. Previous healthcare insurance policies may be reinstated.
- The IRS has been placed under military control. All officers – either in function or retired – tainted by the IRS scandals have been put under house arrest without pay. All tapes are being released.
- During the curfew period, only NPR will be allowed to be in the air, both radio and TV, and will provide all interim government information but dissenting liberal comments will not be tolerated. In addition, radio will play only Christian music and TV shows will consist of Big Bird and Masterpiece Theater. NPR will show the movie “The Interview” forthwith.
- On foreign policy, the nuclear sites of North Korea and Iran were destroyed overnight. Cuba relations will remain as before and President Obama’s opening to that criminal government has been rescinded.
- Construction of the Keystone Pipeline from Canada will start immediately.
- Russia has been told that all its external finances in the USA have been blocked. Any further invasion of Ukraine will entail immediate military response. Increased US oil production will further derail the ruble. Similarly, no other expansion to free neighboring states formerly under the USSR will be tolerated
- China has been informed not to use this interim situation to expand its hemisphere in the Far East. US warships are in place near the China Sea. Any interference will lead to increasing tariffs and taxes on Chinese goods and all Christmas returns will be sent back to Beijing COD.
- All political correctness will be disbanded. Terrorists are terrorists, Islam will not anymore be called a peaceful religion until the Middle-Eastern nations will rise up and fight their own terrorists and beat them.
- All funding of Palestine has been suspended until it stops terrorism.
- Israel will receive full US support. Hamas, Hezbollah, ISIS will be fought with all might.
- Taxes on oil revenues and cigarettes will be earmarked to repay the US foreign debt as of today.
Other information will follow as the interim government actions will unfold.
Mars Man, trying desperately to reach Kathryn in Omaha, to his team at the Mars TV studio: This is unprecedented!
Shamus: I’ve seen it coming. Unavoidable.
Huda: I’ll miss seeing Michelle in her night gown!
Pasha: I can’t stand Big Bird!
Elmer: Go look at war movies by Oliver North on Fox.
Mars Man to Kathryn, after finally having made contact with her: What’s going on?
Kathryn: Apart from NPR, we are the only TV station allowed to operate. Everyone in the USA is in deep shock, but a majority of the people are very happy with the military take-over. The Government of the USA had reached rock-bottom and the country was falling apart.
Mars Man: any news from Mr. Obama?
Kathryn: Insiders tell me he doesn’t seem aware that anything happened as he is stuck at his eighteenth hole.
Mars Man: What happened to North Korea?
Kathryn: As far as we know, the US bombed their nuclear sites to smithereens. Kim is reportedly in tears because he can’t watch porn on the internet anymore. My panel has shrunk to two persons. Bob Demmofool has fled to Mexico and was promptly incarcerated for carrying a loaded gun. If past experience is any guide, we won’t see him back. Charles is here.
Charles: Washington D.C. is like a grave yard. Nobody around. All restaurants are closed. Police has finally a quiet time as protests were banned. The White House is dark. Nobody is interested to jump the fences anymore.
Paul Turnmeon: The sad thing is that the parades have been canceled. No sexy girls will be seen this time.
Kathryn: It’s closing time here now. No 24/7 TV anymore. People must read at least one good book per week. All guns will be banned from kid movies. Donald Duck and Micky Mouse are back again. I think we will return to the good old days of yesterday. Progressive Liberalism has failed completely and brought us to near-complete disaster. We will get back to you when we can in the New Year.
Mars Man: This gives us some rest! Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, too!