Religious Wars


Mars Man

 Sci-Fi Mars Man landed at the Branson cornfield again, near Omaha Nebraska, for another interview with Omaha TV. Kathryn and her team of experts sit around the table and Mars Man, freshly dressed in his human alternate costume, sits in front. The red light switches on and millions of TV viewers tune in to Kathryn’s much watched show, “Mother Earth’s Weekly Squirms”.

Kathryn starts: “Welcome Mars Man, good to have you here again. You’ve seen and heard of all the religious strife on Mother Earth. What’s your view point?”

Mars Man: “A never ending story, Kathryn. Man on Earth has killed in the name of God or Allah since Paradise was lost to the evil snake that spurred Eve to hand Adam the testosterone apple. We on Mars don’t have apples or snakes, so we don’t have your problem. But it’s clear the end of religious killings on Mother Earth is not in sight.”

Kathryn: “But why do you think humans on Earth are so adamant about fighting each other’s religion?”

Mars Man: “It’s all about power. Leaders use religion to create followers to enhance their position, then fight other leaders with a different religion that seek the same power trying to overthrow yours. Your Bible is already full of religious strife. Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other from day one.”

Kathryn: “But why is someone else’s religion bad?”

Mars Man: “Because their followers may take your power away.”

Father Benedictus: “But that’s a preposterous way of looking at religion. Religion is to honor God and to live by His example of goodness and peace.”

Mars Man: “If this is so, few of your humans seem to understand let alone adhere to that. Even the Jews axed to pieces the board of ten commandments that Moses brought down to earth. And the Pharaohs found the seven plagues as an Act of God slightly overdone.”

Father Benedictus: “Christianity is the right religion. Our whole civilization is built on it. The Romans fought it but lost and our Pope is in Rome. It’s a religion of peace, not war.”

Mufti Ali: “I beg to disagree. Mohammed was the last prophet who erased all false religions that were spread around before. Allahu Akbar. Even President Obama said that the five o’clock call to prayer was the sweetest sound on earth.”

Father Benedictus: “Christ was a man of peace, turning the other cheek. Your Mohammed took the sword to force people to follow Islam and your intolerant people have never stopped fighting Christians or fighting among yourself.”

Mars Man: “Interesting exchange, but if I may, Christians have fought each other as Catholics and Protestants and waged many bloody wars from the Middle Ages through the Twentieth Century. Islamists have and are still waging wars between Sunnis and Shiites. Both of you seem to forget that while you are singing psalms in church or kneeling down in mosques hailing peace, the moment you’re outside you fight each other and everybody else.”

Mufti Ali: “The Christians started the Crusades and bombed us out of Spain, so we have the right to get even.”

Kathryn: “I wonder if there is a more positive way we could look at our religious differences. Any suggestions, Mars Man?”

Mars man: “You should abolish all religions and start one anew that everyone can believe in. Your United Nations might be a good place to start.”

Kathryn: “Reverend Jude, you’ve been silent so far, do you think that’s a good idea?”

Reverend Jude: “Thanks, Kathryn, for giving me the floor. I for one do not think so. The Catholics have the Pope and many Bishops, but we Protestants are Episcopal, Baptist, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglicans, Lutherans, Pentecostals, Latter Day Saints, you name it. We could never unify on a new religion, and we don’t have any money left for new wars as the IRS is taking it all away from our followers.”

Father Benedictus: “Same for us. We’re broke after paying astronomical fines for homosexual offense.”

Mufti Ali: “The only new religion could be Islam. Allahu Akbar.”

Reverend Jude: “You guys started six hundred years after Christ and are just now in the midst of your bloody religious wars. We have had ours for the last five hundred years and have settled them.  By my calculations, you still have five hundred years to go to settle yours between Sunni and Shiites and all other tribal sects in-between, to decide what sort of Islam should prevail. From the news reports and all the beheadings and rapes, you’re doing just fine. So far, you wouldn’t have a vote.”

Mars Man: “It may be necessary to create a Religious Security Council where the mainstream religions are represented to enforce some unity in this total chaos.”

Mufti Ali: “We would have two seats, one for Sunnis and another for Shiites, both representing billions of followers.”

Reverend Jude: “If you claim two seats, we would have at least five to represent our billions of followers.”

Father Benedictus: “And we Catholics would claim the majority because we pay most of the fines.”

Mars Man: “You’re forgetting Hindus and Buddhists, both entrenched in South and East Asia, and the Jews, all over the world….”

Mufti Ali: “Hindus are not allowed in. They’re apostates who beat us into Pakistan. China is taking care of the Bhuddists. Israel will be thrown into the sea, leaving other Jews powerless. Allahu Akbar.”

Mars Man: “…And the Russian and Greek Orthodox Church. Putin would want them to have seats too.”

Kathryn: “Mars Man, to witness our round table discussion, it would seem your idea would lead only to more wars.”

Mufti Ali: “The final war will be when the Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei gets the bomb and blows you all to smithereens so that the Mahdi can come to clean up the mess and install the one religion for those still left on earth.”

Reverend Jude: “Islam and Christianity agree on “The Day of Reckoning”. It’s in the Bible and the Koran.”

Mars Man: “Hallelujah! Finally agreement!”

Kathryn: “We better close this discussion before another disagreement pops up. Thanks Mars Man for an enlightening round table. Viewers, see you next time!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2Comments

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    Oakley Fishing

    Oakley Fishing

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